LOLITA’S SECRET

Lolita: We’re back from our online-only issue and anxious to hear all about your spring plans. Rita: Aren’t we the one’s who are supposed to tell the readers what going on? Lolita: Well, you can do what you want. I like to know what the readers do. Rita: Maybe you’re in the wrong business. Lolita: Maybe you should take the stick out of your butt and open up that mind of yours! Wait a second—I’m sorry for saying that. I’m just so happy that spring is in the air. On April 12 everyone is coming to my spring celebration—Lolita’s Lovefest. But I don’t want just anyone there, just the people who love me. So I’m going to keep the venue a secret. No one will get this information out of me. Rita: Oh really? Lolita: Yeah, so don’t even try. Will you please pass my “Can” of “Tab.” Rita: You don’t normally drink that crap. Lolita: I know but right now I need that “CanTab” and if you don’t pass it to me I’m going to Club Bohemia you all the way to my Lovefest. Did I mention THE RUDDS, SGT. MAXWELL’S PEACE CHORUS, I HAVE EARS, and THE BOSTON TYPEWRITER ORCHESTRA? Flip back one page and check out the ad.

SURPRISING INFORMATION

Rita: While Lolita passes out posters in front of 738 Mass. Ave, Central Square, and tries to kiss everyone, I’m going to take this time to find out something new about some of the people we already know. Excuse me Roger, could you tell me something our readers would be surprised to learn about you? ROGER MILLER (Alloy Orchestra/ Mission of Burma): I made the “waiting in line” and “safety instruction” music for the Hulk Ride (Gamma Tube) at the Universal Theme Park in Orlando, Florida. *** AARON GRAY (Milo’s Syndicate): I started my musical career as a trumpet player... marching band, orchestra, jazz ensemble... the whole deal. That was until Metallica called me up and told me to stop being such a pussy. True story. *** PETE SUTTON (Temper): I am actually Joel Simches. *** SEAN MURRAY (Totaro): Something that some of you may be surprised to know about me is that when I was about 13 years old my parents divorced. My father moved away and I have not heard from him more than three times since. I have no idea where he is or even if he is alive. Occasionally (not for while though) someone like and aunt or uncle or maybe even a cousin will have some news on him. If I were to see him now, the first thing I’d say is that I miss and love him and that everything is okay. *** ANNGELLE WOOD (WZLX/ WMFO): I’m a rock and style enthusiast. Never wanting to be a one trick pony, I got into the hair business three years ago and I totally love it. I still do radio—hear me on WZLX. I do the hair stuff at Floyd’s 99 Barbershop on Mass. Ave. in Cambridge. *** WALTER SICKERT (Walter Sickert & the Army of Broken Toys): One of my heroes, the creator of theSimpsons, Matt Groening, caught our set when we opened for the Tiger Lillies at UCLA. After the show he bought our CD and now owns all five of our Jack Ripper-themed art EPs! Come on Matt Tree House of Horror with The Army of Broken Toys! *** LIZ BORDEN (Liz Borden Band): I watch soap operas! ABC soaps, baby! I have watched my whole life! There, I admitted it! I am out of the soap opera closet! I feel free and so much better. Next year I will be marching in the Soap Opera Pride Parade. *** JAKE HALL (The Self Righteous Brothers): One thing readers might be surprised to learn about me is that I was born with both male and female genitalia. Interestingly enough however, I was also born with only four fingers on my left hand. This posed an interesting dilemma with an even more interesting solution. After weeks, my parents agreed to a surgery that would involve removing my existing penis and sewing it onto my left hand to function as a pinky finger. The operation was a great success! To this day, every time I “pinky-swear” with someone, I chuckle to myself... ’cause it means I actually just penis swore. Shhh... Don’t tell! Lolita: I knew I couldn’t trust Jake when he asked me if he could stick his finger in my belly button. *** MR. B (Born of Thunder/ IPR): I am an avid collector of broken ladders. *** MIKE PIEHL (Reverse): Your readers would be surprised to know I did time for perjury. Joliet, Illinois for 10 years. Hey, would I lie about something like that? *** DJ MATTHEW GRIFFIN (The Noise/ Gotharama): My cat can throw a guilt trip on me with just a look. I think it’s time to start getting out of the house more often. *** JIM HEALEY (We’re All Gonna Die): That I have actually been to numerous Star Trek conventions. No, I didn’t dress up. Lolita: Wait a second—weren’t you that Klingon who was hitting on me when I was in my sexy Seven of Nine costume?

NEWS UNDER A ROCK

Rita: Speaking of sexy costumes—please check out EMPRESS ERIN in LOVEWHIP’s latest video“Gimme That” at www.lovewhip.net. It was shot in Jamaica Plain—some on the streets—some in their cement S&M dungeon. And keeping in character, LOVEWHIP played a birthday party for porn star RON JEREMY (who’s coming out with new adult comedy called Spunk’d). *** JamSpot is opening a second location in Wakefield in April. The new rehearsal complex is located just off of Route 95/128 at exit 42, a few minutes north of the Route 93 interchange. *** THREE DAY THRESHOLD toured Belgium and the Netherlands last month. KIER BYRNES walked onto The Seventh Seal (Het Zevende Zegel in Kluisbergen, Belgium) and there was a gigantic poster of him on the wall. After the show he took it down to bring home to his mom. *** DAN MILLEN is now booking Friday nights at Bill’s Bar and is looking to hip the joint up a little bit. If your band is interested email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it with links, some history on your band, and your draw around town. *** JIM SEERY (Triple Thick) is booking bands this spring/summer at the Squealing Pig in Provincetown in addition to booking the Plough & Stars Cambridge. Contact Jim at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it *** Check out local bands on CCTV’s Bandwidth TV. The shows are on the web at cctvcambridge.org. See A.K.A. C.O.D., THREE DAY THRESHOLD, JESSICA RYLAN, and a few more. *** The 30th annual WBCN Rock ’n’ Roll Rumble begins on April 6 with six nights of preliminaries (skipping Wednesday), followed by the semis on 5/18 and 5/19, and the finals on 5/25 (with special guests THE NEIGHBORHOODS!—the winners of the very first Rumble)—all at Harpers Ferry. A full list of the preliminary lineup is on page 35 of this issue. *** LENNYSOLOMON’s anti-war/anti-Bush song “Let’s Go To Mars” was number one on NEIL YOUNG’s Living with War website for over a month. *** UBIQUITOUS won the Opsercian Rompetition held at the Middle East in February. *** This past December BRIAN VIGLIONE (Dresden Dolls) worked with TRENT REZNOR and contributed some drum tracks to NINE INCH NAILS’ new album. *** In the category of strange bedfellows we find AMANDA PALMER (Dresden Dolls), who recently underwent vocal cord surgery, performing with the Boston Pops! Go see the odd coupling on June 19 and 20 at, where else, but, Symphony Hall. Lolita: Are Brian and Amanda in competition for who can come up with the most exciting news? Maybe they should be Rita and Lolita.

THE PRESIDENTIAL COMPETITION

Rita: Grabbing those headlines are what’s it’s all about. But what are the real issues? How ’bout if we run our own little competition? Let’s see who can come up with the best idea of what the presidential candidates should debate. Okay now, take a number and state your debate suggestion. TIM MUNGENAST (Tim Mungenast & His Preexisting Conditions): Well, since they’re already debating the deficit, the bombed-out economy, our over reliance on fossil fuel, and out half-trillion-dollar war in Iraq, I’d like them to discuss scrapping the Federal Reserve and/or investigating what REALLY happened on 9/11. *** KAREN DeBIASSE (Girl On Top): The new world order and what they’re going to do about it. All of the candidates are all puppets of it anyway so to me it’s just one big show to make us believe we live in a democracy. *** FRANK ROWE (Classic Ruins): I would like to see the candidates debate the question of whether we even need a president at all. Might we not simply install an official simulacron puppet to deliver the priorities of whoever is actually running things instead of continuing the laughable fiction that we are not already doing so? And this mannequin could look like anyone... Santa, Elvis, Bigfoot, Soupy Sales. We could change heads every week and thus spare the election hysteria. The best part is that if the candidates debated this idea, at least one would have to be in favor! *** CARLA DeLELLIS (Johnny D’s): Why doesn’t anyone have the balls to stand up and say it is not okay to discriminate against gays in marriage? It’s a character litmus test every presidential candidate is failing. *** C. MOON MULLINS (Ultrasonic Rock Orchestra/ Damned Dirty Ape): Human rights. The nation has turned from one that stands against the principal of torture, to one that uses torture. Once this nation stood for freedom, and now we propagate fear. Once, we led the world in respect for humans, and now, we vie for leadership in treating people like shit, in both foreign and domestic policy. I would invite the candidates to discuss the numerous specific examples of human rights violations comprise our new national policies: 1) Preemptive military attacks. 2) Suppression of prisoners’ rights. 3) Torture. 4) Lying about maters pertaining to national policy (blowjobs okay; WMD in Iraq, not ok). 5) Policy and (grrrr) business related to health care. *** CHUCK U. ROSINA (WMFO/ WMBR): I would like to see Clinton apologize for her vote to authorize Bush’s war way back when (like Edwards did), and it would be great if both Democratic candidates could come up with honest plans for dismantling our bases in Iraq. *** DAVE TREE (SuperPower/ Drugwar): What I’d like to see debated by the candidates is what responsibilities and consequences should George W. Bush and Dick Cheney and company face for outright lying and misleading this country into a war in Iraq. For one of the most serious crimes committed in this century what penalties do they believe this administration should pay? I believe they should be treated like a common drug dealer; that way not only do they do hard time in a real prison but all their money and assets are taken by the government, which could be used to finance the problems they have created. Lolita: Dave gets my vote! It takes a genius to come up with an idea that is so simple that we all don’t automatically don’t think of it ourselves. Rita: I agree. Let’s see our so-called leaders take some responsibility for the mess they’ve created.

MUSICAL CHAIRS

Lolita: A time for birth, a time for death. Bands always seem to fall apart—but some members go on to form other bands. We keep track of them here. DAVE WESTNER (Woolly Mammoth Sound/ Jabe) will debut his new band, TORI PYNE, at The Cantab on Friday, May 2. Joining Dave in Tori Pyne are EDDIE ARNOLD (Amun Ra/ Sam Bigelo), BRYAN KILLOUGH (Groove Child), and JUSTIN CASINGHINO (C7). *** 3RD LEFT has added JOHNNY SOUZA on trumpet. *** BORN OF THUNDER features former HUMANOIDS MR. B, MIKE DEMONIK, and JOEY SINN. Their first show is at Church on 6/7. *** LINDA VIENS (Angeline) and C. MOON MULLINS (Ultrasonic Rock Orchestra/ Damn Dirty Ape) have enlisted in SGT. MAXWELL’S PEACE CHORUS. *** Photographer KELLY DAVIDSON is no longer strummin’ the guitar in LIZ BORDEN BAND—and MARIAN (HRT) is now strummin’ guitar in that band. *** J.R. (Sam Black Church) and DUGGAN D (Lost City Angels) perform together in the band THE MEN. *** AWAKENING STICK has disbanded and here’s the fallout: Guitarist/ vocalist JOHN HESS and drummer MATT BURNS have joined up with BRUCE ALLEN (The Doom Buggies) to form THE VOGON POETS while bassist DAN CHASKES has teamed up with JESSICA RODDEN (Apple Betty) for a side project called DC4. Jessica’s husband, GLEN ANDERSON, plays guitar and DAN JEFFS drums for the DC4 project. *** NOELLE (Damone) is now performing with THE ORGAN BEATS. *** SEAN MURRAY has become a hired gun for TOTARO. Sean’s other relatively new project with LIZ BORDEN, THE VELVETS, is already on hiatus. Lolita: You never know when something will come or go, but we’ll let you know when it does.

MOST IMPORTANT

Rita: Things do come and go, even when they are the most important thing in your life. Lolita, go find out what people believe is most important to them. Lolita: Okay, but I feel like Julie Andrews asking people to sing “These are a few of my favorite things.” Hey, Andrea, could I have a Cape Coder and while you’re pourin’, tell me what’s most important thing in your life. ANDREA GILLIS (Andrea Gillis Band/ The Other Girls): Love, Family, Friends, and great wine! Oh, and did I forget to mention...ROCK ’N’ ROLL! These are the things most important to me! *** DAVE PINO (POWERMAN 5000): The most important thing in my life is reading the thenoiseboard.com everyday. *** LINDA VIENS (Angeline): The most important thing in my life is being a good mama to my precious nine-year-old daughter Ruby! *** SAMMY MIAMI (Shööt the Möön): To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women. *** AJDA THE TURKISH QUEEN (Black Fortress of Opium): Freedom. *** BILL GOFFRIER (Big Dipper): It’s easy to say that the answer is family. To be more detailed, it is the work of moving the family forward in life. Gee, I guess that’s called growth. Learning, laughing, and loving. Yeah, I’ve gone soft. *** DAVE BALERNA (The Midway): Not making the same mistake twice is most important. I find it prevents lamenting and wallowing, which I despise. I believe that I like to cross that bridge when I come to it. I just hate when I forget my shit on the other side and have to go back over that fucking bridge and there’s a police roadblock. So I guess it is most important to avoid the jailers. *** BOB BEAUMONT (Guns of Navarone): The most important thing in my life are my children. When I had my first child at the age of 22, I was in a “post-hardcore” band called Aurora. I realized that my new life was not conducive to touring and other such band commitments so musically I laid dormant for a few years. In that time my life was filled with chaos. Now with the stability of a healthy family structure I’ve returned to my music. I’m quite sure I would not be where I am today if it were not for the grounding effect my children. Thanks Jacob and Sofia. Daddy loves you. *** PETER MOORE (Count Zero): A good listener. *** ERIK LINDGREN (Birdsongs of the Mesozoic/ Arf Arf Records): In no particular order—my Irish setter, freedom of speech, original Shaggs’ 45 on Fleetwood, invaluable friendships, agnosticism, concern for others, and staying in good health all immediately come to the mind. *** GENO JOHNSTON (Splint): I would have to go with the obvious answer of family and friends. They are far more important to me than my five platinum records, my Grammy nominations, and even my wicked talented singer. I know that’s hard to believe but my girl, my little ones, and my pals reign supreme. *** MR. CURT (Urban Caravan/ Mr. Curt Ensemble): Ms. Donna, always and forever! Which is also the dearest part of my family and friends and our beloved kitties. *** JON MACEY (Fox Pass): Though that may seem easy to answer or maybe it should be obvious to a person, I do find these days it can be elusive to grasp what it most important to me. I think I may need some quiet time in a far off land on a remote beach. *** ANDERSON MAR (Dark Sky Productions/Paul Green School of Rock): My other half, Matthew Marchesi. I met him at a wedding in a graveyard in 2004, and together we founded the New England Punk, Goth, and Metal Festival; the rest is history! I am so blessed to have someone in my life who shares my love of music and passion for revitalizing the New England scene. *** BRIAN E. KING (Oranjuly/ Performer Magazine): The ability to write and play music, of course! *** KIER BYRNES (Three Day Threshold): Music. Girls just end up leaving you, friends can betray you, and money is as irrelevant as cow shit. Lolita: Wow, Kier. Sounds like you’ve been hit by a Mack truck. Just hang in there—Rita and I will come over some night this week and be two slices of bread if you’ll supply the meat.

CLUB SCENE EVENTS

Lolita: When it comes to our show suggestions, they are all meat and no potatoes. Rita: Being a vegetarian, I find that expression offensive. What’s wrong with potatoes? ERIN HARPE releases her Delta Blues Duets CD on Thursday, 4/3 at the Alchemist Lounge (in JP)—the duets are with her dad, NEIL HARPE. *** COROLLA DEVILLE headlines the bill at Church on Friday, 4/5. *** DAN ZANES & FRIENDS do four shows at the Somerville Theatre on Friday-Sunday, 5/4-4/6—don’t expect anything like Dan’s previous band, THE DEL FUEGOS; he does cool music for children now. *** On Wednesday, 4/9, the DENNIS BRENNAN BAND shakes up the Lizard Lounge. *** SAL BAGLIO’s URBAN CARAVAN is at the West End Theatre in Gloucester on Friday, 4/11. *** Lolita’s Lovefest on Saturday, 4/12 at the Cantab has turned into quite an orgy of the absurd with THE RUDDS, SGT. MAXWELL’S PEACE CHORUS, I HAVE EARS, and BOSTON TYPEWRITER ORCHESTRA. *** Same night, LONESOME JUKEBOX releases their CD at the Garibaldi Club in North Plymouth, MA. *** MUCK & THE MIRES release a new 4-song 10” vinyl EP on Friday, 4/18 at the Middle East. TOP HEAVY releases their CD at that same party. *** Same night DAVE ARRONOFF releases Dead Bird for Dinner at the Plough & Stars. *** And again on 4/18, GLADIOLA releases There is No Road at the Midway. *** The MassCann benefit is on Saturday, 4/19, at the Middle East with rockin’ bands and an unplugged ROBBY ROADSTEAMER. *** On Thursday, 4/24, AXEMUNKEE is part of a psychedelic music night at PA’s. *** BIG DIPPER reunites at the Middle East Downstairs on Saturday, 4/26. *** For our all-age readers, the finals of the Rock Showdown at the Natick Center for the Arts is on Sunday afternoon (1:00-5:00) 4/27. *** On Tuesday, 4/29, JIMMY RYAN opens the show at Johnny D’s. Lolita: Did you know that a local band has a song called “Ghost of Jimmy Ryan”? Be the first to name that band and win a free pass to Lolita's Lovefest! Rita: I know the answer! Lolita: Well, I do too. But all you really need to know is that this lovefest will be the lovinest ever

Rita: Welcome to our second annual March online-only issue. It’s this cold winter month that we choose to save a tree by sparing the paper that goes into making a print issue of The Noise, and advise our business supporters to look at the numbers that this site (and thenoiseboard.com) generate. Getting your news online makes sense ecologically, but will the feeling of opening your newspaper at the breakfast table ever really disappear? Lolita: Normally I don’t wake up ’til lunchtime and I prefer to read interesting facts listed on my calendar. Rita: Before we get to Lolita’s interesting facts, let’s find out other websites that our readers like to go to. Put down your calendar and go ask our friends where they surf. Look, there’s Linda with a surfboard, find out where she’s going.

FAVORITE WEBSITES

Lolita: Hey Linda, where are you headed, I mean, what’s your favorite website? LINDA VIENS (Angeline/ Cosmic Trigger): One of my all time fave websites is www.disinfo.com, which is THE subculture search engine and a fantastic resource for all things “fringe,” subcultural, underground, politically radical, and just plain... out there! Lolita: Hey this is interesting, you can pick up 50 Things You’re Not Supposed to Know Volume 2 for only $9.95 and have it just in time for Christmas 2004. *** JOSH BOUGHEY (Phineus/ The Blind King): I build electronics as a hobby. With the right music playing, the long hours of repetitive soldering send me into a Zen-like meditative state, aka “flow,” where time essentially stops. Lately I've been listening almost exclusively to www.percussionlab.com—it features dozens of streams and MP3’s of full-length mostly live sets of some really unique experimental and electronic music. I click around 'til I find a style I like, then I’m set for the next 45 minutes to an hour plus, to listen to something completely new while I get all Zen. *** SUSANNA PORTE (The Cello Chix/Sgt. Maxwell’s Peace Chorus): CommonDreams.org. Best progressive news source. Rita: I did learn there that President Bush will veto any bill that states that waterboarding is torture. Maybe it should be tried out on him for all the lying he’s done. After all, it’s not torture. *** MIKE LANGLIE (Twink): My current favorite obnoxious cab company dispatcher blog is The Blank Top Chronicles (blanktop.blogspot.com). Where the customer is always wrong. I wish it were a radio show. Lolita: This is an entertaining read, but it doesn’t sound to me like the customer is always wrong—more like the customer is always crazy or irrational. *** ROB MORRIS (Vivian Darkbloom): Objectiveministries.org might be the best hoax website ever. At first glance, it appears to be a legitimate creation science website. The essays and features are content-rich and extremely well-written (though patently absurd). The site contains numerous links, and it is very easy to get lost. But this is intended, and is part of a pretty well wrought satirical device. Eventually you find yourself laughing at genuine content that wasn't meant to be funny. To my knowledge, no one has claimed credit for this site, but I definitely smell The Onion. *** BILLY CARL MANCINI (Bird Mancini/Sgt, Maxwell’s Peace Chorus): Preyinglizardmusic.com is my favorite site for listening to the best music I've never heard. It's startling how many great artists are out there with first rate recordings that somehow remain under the radar. You can stream a variety of shows or download them to your iPod. Preyinglizardmusic.com is reportedly the number one podcast worldwide, so getting your tunes on this is terrific exposure. DJ Les Lewellyn does the occasional interview as well, and is amazingly supportive. In his own words, “very cool.” *** CHUCK U. ROSINA (WMFO/WMBR): I can’t say I have a “favorite” website per se. There’s so much out there, it can sometimes seem daunting. Being the political animal that I am, I check out www.barrycrimmins.com for the latest in satirical commentary. A friend, Dr. T., has a very artsy site with cool original photos, videos and music at www.foryourhead.com. I look forward to seeing how others answer this question. *** SCOTT MATALON (Monolith): www.nlop.com—you can play Texas Hold ’em poker for free against other players live in real-time, from quick sit-n-gos to full tournaments—and you can win cash and prizes by playing. The National League of Poker is a local company (Framingham) and perhaps the only U.S.-legal poker site where you can play for free and win money in America. Lolita: I’m confused—is it a poker site or a poke-her site?

NEWS DE ROQUE

Members of SGT. MAXWELL’S PEACE CHORUS have been spending time in the M*A*S*H unit. Drummer SHAWN MARQUIS (The Church of Flying) underwent a tonsillectomy in January. SGT. MAXWELL (The Noise) tore the posterior horn of his medial meniscus. Knee surgery commenced on 2/7 (the eighth anniversary of MIKEY DEE’s infamous heart surgery). CHRIS MASCARA (Mascara) tripped coming off Shawn & Suzi’s Mardi Gras stage and twisted his ankle so badly that he needed to walk with crutches for weeks. After healing, the three warriors against war will be back on the front lines. *** JONNY P (White) had a near death experience when someone pulverized his skull in front of Bill’s Bar on 9/29/07. He has since healed—and he believes he is fine. *** In the where-are- they-now category, HARVEY WARFIELD (x-WAAF) has produced a video for MOG (New England’s longest lasting father/son band) of a remake of “Immigration Man,” the Crosby/Nash hit from ’72. *** AARON TAP (Layne/ x-Paula Kelley Band) made his network TV debut on the Conan O’Brien show on 1/30/08. *** PETER C. JOHNSON received permission from Universal Music (A&M) and Sony (CBS) to release a limited edition of Peter C. Johnson: 1978-1981, a CD that includes guests NILS LOFGREN, CARLENE CARTER, BONNIE RAITT, and MARK SANDMAN (and the Sandman Project will benefit from all sales). *** A rare 7-inch test pressing by BOBB TRIMBLE (who was number-one on last month's Noise radio chart) has just sold on ebay for $1,975. The acetate was donated by an old high school friend of Bobb's, who showed up with it at his record release party at River Gods. All proceeds are going to Bobb, who's currently unemployed. *** On 2/10/08, ten Berklee alumni and three faculty members won 13 Grammy Awards. Berklee alumni have now won a total of 162 Grammies. *** EMBRIONIC (JAMES BRYAM and SIOBHAN McCAULEY) has two songs airing on MTV’s Real World – Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet III. *** HUMANWINE bought a big old school bus and rebuilt it from the bottom up. It now runs on waste veggie oil. They intend to tour with their gas expense equaling zero. *** MARK HAMILTON will be running the 2008 WBCN Rock ’n’ Roll Rumble. *** CBS radio, owner of WBCN and WZLX, has axed 15 of their employees. At first we heard JUANITA lost her job, then we heard she was moved off the overnight shift to part time weekend status. CBS claims, “With these actions, we continue to build on our strategy of deploying our assets to best grow our ratings and monetize the results.” It's called addition by subtraction. Lolita: That’s kinda like peace through war. Rita: It’s more like it’s all about the buck.

SAINT PADDY WHACK

Rita: Lolita, let’s get back to the interesting listings on your calendar. Lolita: It’s just basic stuff so I know what to wear—like March 17, the day the Irish celebrate Saint Paddy’s Day—I know to wear a short pleated skirt. Rita: I thought it was a day to wear green? Lolita: Maybe it is, but the short pleated skirt gets me more attention. Rita: I think you better ask people for some St. Patrick’s Day stories. You need to learn a little more. Lolita: Okay, there’s Nick—he goes to church so much, he must be Irish. Nick, tell me a story about St. Paddy’s Day. NICK BLAKEY (The In Out/Church): When I was still working at Bauer Wines on Newbury Street, we particularly feared St. Patrick's Day owing to the sheer amount of drunkenness that began quite early in the day. One St. Patrick's Day I was not wearing any green (I don't celebrate the holiday), and a guy walked up to me at the shop and said, "Why ain't you wearin' green?" I replied, "Because I'm not Irish." To which he answered "WHAT ARE YOU… FUCKIN' RACIST?" I wasn't wearing any orange either, but he didn't pick up on that. *** LIZ BORDEN (The Liz Borden Band/The Velvets): St. Patrick's Day? Is that the day that there is an annual feast that celebrates St. Patrick, one of the patron saints of Ireland? The day where a parade goes through South Boston, people run crazy in the streets, drink green beer and get arrested? I know it well, but can't remember a single one... hmmm, maybe this year I will remember and have a story for next year! *** JOHNNY ANGEL (Thrills/Blackjacks): Thrills played a St. Paddy's Day gig in either 1980 and 1981 with The Rings at the ’Dise. I wore all orange and didn't drink—just to see what would happen, which was, of course, nothing. Once again, the blabber-mouthed local sons and daughters of Eire let me down. *** JOE COUGHLIN (The Noise): I had in impromptu party at an old Southie address, and a certain local “straight edge” rocker showed up and got completely shitfaced. *** JOHNNY STUMP (Three Day Threshold): Last year was a good St. Patrick's Day since we essentially played music all day long. During the day we played a couple of sets of Irish tunes and even that song about the unicorn at The Asgard in Central Square. After that we headed over to The Paradise to play a show that night. All in all, many pints of Guinness and lots of music makes for one hell of a great St. Paddy's day. Hey... let's do it again this year! *** JOHN SPEZIALE (John Speziale): Years ago my trio was gigging at the Ground Round in Waterbury, CT. For the St. Pat's gig I got the bright idea to play some clichéd Irish chestnuts. Halfway into a sluggish “Danny Boy,” the audience let us know it wanted no more of our bogus Irish shtick. “More Joni!” “More James Taylor!” Then some crazy drunk guy with very few teeth jumped the stage, commandeered our keyboard and led us through a bumpy yet rollicking version of The Doors’ “L. A. Woman.” It sucked, but it brought the house down. I still have those unused lyric sheets around here someplace. *** BRENDAN MURPHY (The Autumn Hollow Band): I spent one St. Paddy's Day in Las Vegas at the New York casino. Every half hour for the entire day there was a St. Paddy's Day parade that would come through the casino floor complete with midgets dressed like leprechauns banging on cymbals and singing Irish songs. After about six hours of continuous gambling and drinking, the leprechauns started to freak me out and I ended up losing my concentration on the roulette table and losing all my money. Lolita: Yeah, blame it on the leprechauns. *** AARON GUZIK (Andy&me): A few years back Hot Rod Circuit (R.I.P.) had a show over St. Patty's weekend in Boulder, CO. The lass that was to be my date ended up going out with another bloke that night. The show was amazing and afterwards I found a keg of green beer—perfect for drowning my sorrows. With the penny whistle of HRC still ringing in mine ears, I arrived back at my dorm too pissed for my own good, and the green beer needed to go. My bowels Riverdanced my then green insides into the dorm floor sink and clogged it! *** SHAWN MARQUIS (Afriendinouterspace/Sgt. Maxwell's Peace Chorus): In my early Boston years I lived above a seedy Irish pub called The Shamrock in Brighton Center. St. Paddy's Day was never a holiday that I looked forward to. The entire day would be set to a soundtrack of drunken gang sing-alongs of “Born in the USA” and “Hotel California,” occasionally punctuated by a poor lad's retching stomach. Venturing outside was like walking on to the set of Night of the LivingDead…weaving your way through the sea of fellow Brightonians zombified by strong drink, while keeping a keen eye to the ground. *** ERIN HARPE (Lovewhip/ Erin Harpe): About 1,001 guys yelling “Erin go bragh-LESS” at me! Happens every year! ***BOB BEAUMONT (Guns of Navarone): I have been to probably three or four years of The Dropkick Murphys at Avalon. As I age and sober up I have come to see things in a different light than I have in the past. I respect The Dropkick Murphys and own of half a dozen of their recordings. However, the general vibe of these St. Patrick’s Day shows does not leave me with a good feeling. Drunken frat-boys and tough-guy skinheads seem to have overrun the occasion. I do not enjoy being shoved around by drunkards with no concept of common courtesy. Nor do I enjoy seeing young women being groped by disrespectful brutes. This sort of behavior is what many kids wanted to disassociate themselves from when they got involved with punk. Perhaps this is not an interesting St. Patrick’s Day story but it is a social commentary on what unfortunately exists. Let's evolve, shall we? Lolita: I agree. I’m ready to revolve—just give me a spin. Rita: Bob said, “evolve” not “revolve.” Lolita: That’s just like you, Rita, to think the world revolves around you. Other people have their own ideas—you’re not right all the time.

MUSICAL CHAIRS

Rita: While Lolita is still spinning, let’s see who’s revolving in and out of the doors that lead to the bands in our area. ADAM von BUHLER (The Countess) and KEITH SMITH (C60) have taken their addiction to Kung Fu and Asian underground cinema, video games, and classic muscle cars and created ANARCHY CLUB. Their release party for A Single Drop of Red is at Church on Friday, 3/7. *** DENNIS McCARTHY (Prime Movers/ World Greatest Sinners) sits behind the kit in TERRITORIES—and we have word that he doesn’t try to play like Keith Moon. *** ERIC SCHMIDER’s new band is called THE MERKINS. Eric’s on vocals/guitar, MATT TAHANEY is on bass/vocals, FAITH SOLOWAY plays Wurlitzer piano, JAMIE ANDERSON hits the drums, and FRANK MAROTTA handles lead guitar/vocals. If that’s not enough, Eric is also leading a jazz band with horns called VAN LUXE. *** THE AUTUMN HOLLOW BAND is Brendan Murphy (Dirt Floor Records), Scott Marucci (Millis Pride), Todd Sampson (Lorntell), Noel Coakley (Bow St. Band/Girls Guns & Glory), and Mike Burke (Patrick Dunn Band). *** HACKMAN features guys from both LAMONT and MILLIGRAM. *** MATT SAMOLIS and PETER WARREN have taken to bowing cymbals and tuned steel rods in their drone project that goes by the name BOWED METAL MUSIC. Lolita: Just to show you readers that we are trying to keep up on our coverage of metal music. *** JOE FAULDER has taken over the bass stringin’ for I HAVE EARS—who have been asked to be part of Lolita’s Love Fest (4/12 at the Cantab with The Rudds headlining). *** GOZU features members of WARGASM, SUPERHONEY, and TRIP HAMMER, with MARC GAFFNEY on vocals. *** SUPERKOLIDERhas decided to disband after eight years of making music. *** Bassist MARC FRIEDMAN has joined BURNT IN EFFIGY. The band's debut gig is 3/16 at All Asia. *** THE DAISY SMITH PROJECT (dedicated to their daddy, Chip Smith) consists of Daisy Smith, Chipper Smith, CJ Smith, Wood Chip, Uncle Smitty, Chocolate Chip, Chip Away, and Po' Chip. Daisy looks a lot like LAURIE SARGENT. *** Bassist DAN CHASKES plays his last show with AWAKENING STICK at Dodge Street in Salem on 3/15. *** ASHERS features members of UNSEEN and CRASH & BURN—catch them at the Middle East on 3/3. *** SCAMPER is gone but their family tree is already branching out with most of the members in the BRENDAN BOOGIE BAND. *** TAB THE BAND includes TONY PERRY and ADRIAN PERRY (sons of Aerosmith guitarist JOE PERRY), and BEN TILESTON. They’ve got a new CD out called Pulling Out Just Enough to Win.Lolita: That old pulling out method doesn’t work all the time.

DESERVING BANDS

Rita: We’re always looking for new bands that deserve attention. So while Lolita is practicing her old pregnancy prevention method, I’m going to ask some friends for advice of what local bands deserve more attention from The Noise. LENNY LASHLEY (Darkbuster): Pretty much every local band deserves more attention than us in The Noise but The Welch Boys and The Sprained Ankles really, really do ’cause they're awesome where we're kinda not so much. *** MIKE CANN (MassCann/ NORML Freedom Rally): Superpower because Dave Tree will always rule and the band will rip your face off. Also Prospect Hill, because they are young, nice, and write extra catchy songs. Tony Rombola (Godsmack guitarist) recorded a song with Prospect Hill for their upcoming, soon to be released CD. *** GEOFF MORSE (Prophetless Productions): I think The Noise needs to cover a little more death metal in general but at the very least it should take a look at Sexcrement. This XXX death four piece is one of the best bands in Boston in any genre. You might be mortified or you might get exxxtremely turned on but either way you will definitely get your money's worth from one of the best live performing bands around. *** MARK LIND (Mark Lind & the Unloved/Ducky Boys): Definitely Death & Taxes. In a just world they'd be getting more attention on both a local and national level. Hell, maybe even international. But the music business in 2008 doesn't reward honesty, talent and greatness. They honor fashion and punk-by-numbers bullshit. Maybe a band like D&T can bring it back. Lolita: Well, The Noise hasn’t totally missed them—you can read their story in the October 2007 issue. *** NICOLE TAMMARO (Nicole Tammaro Photography): The Noise needs to pay some attention to Bryan McPherson. I have caught Bryan a few times. This kid blows everyone away when they catch his act. His performance and CD remind me of Dylan/Neil Young-e Vedder storyteller—lyrics of frustration, beauty and darkness. *** JASON MARCHIONNA (Fluttr Effect/ MeandJoanCollins): The Cassavetes. That's the only drummer I've seen in Boston hit the drums as hard as me. Oh, and they write great tunes and rock the shit out of them. Guys, I play banjo if you're ever looking. *** DAVE WESTNER (Woolly Mammoth Sound): Tim Gearin. He's been playing every Monday night at Toad for something like eight years. *** ANDERSON MAR (Dark Sky Productions/School of Rock): I'm throwing my support behind a relatively new entourage called Uncle Lefty (www.unclelefty.net). My doubts that punk, blues, and Southern rock could be successfully blended have been utterly erased at their advent. Besides, who couldn't love a band whose motto is, "Music for Free-Thinkers and Beer-Drinkers"? I can totally identify! *** PREACHER JACK (Preacher Jack): I love the Clydesdale Cowboys and believe they deserve some space in the wonderful Noise magazine. I had the pleasure of playing with these fine lads (and gals!) at The Cantab recently and I was SOO impressed with their professionalism and their wonderful vocal harmonies. God bless J.R. Clydesdale and his lovely sister, Kitty; they turned The Cantab into a smoky old roadhouse on a lonely stretch of highway way down in Hank Williams, Sr. country. Lolita: Well, I’ll have to find out where those cowboys are playing. Rita, can you help me with that?

CLUB SCENE

Rita: Yes, Lolita, I’ll look up your cowboy band. Here’s what else I found interesting going on. RAY CORVAIRE TRIO reunites at The Plough & Stars on Saturday, 3/1. *** At O’Brien’s on Wednesday, 3/5, you can explode with WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE. *** JONATHAN RICHMAN plays The Middle East on Thursday and Friday, 3/6 and 3/7. *** Also on Friday, 3/7, are THE STEAMY BOHEMIANS at The Lizard lounge. *** Gotharama fills the Middle East Downstairs on Saturday, 3/8. *** That same night, cover boy SALVATORE BAGLIO plays The Cantab. *** DENNIS BRENNAN is at The Lizard Lounge on Wednesday, 3/12. *** LENNY & THE PISS POOR BOYS are at The Middle East on Friday, 3/14. *** Same night THE CLYDESDALE COWBOYS impress at The Cantab—and remember they’ve got a stamp of approval from PREACHER JACK. ***ALLOY ORCHESTRA performs their live soundtrack to Underworld on Saturday, 3/15 at the Somerville Theatre. *** Same night THE BROOKLYNS (from Boston) play The Midway. *** THE LUXURY are in the middle of the bill at Great Scott on Monday, 3/17 (St. Patrick’s Day). *** On Thursday, 3/20 ALOUD drops their latest CD at Great Scott. *** Same night SUPERPOWER headlines the Allston Rock City Music & Style Show at Harpers Ferry. *** Friday, 3/21, has STATIC OF THE GODS at Bill’s Bar. *** CHARLIE FARREN (Joe Perry Project/Farrenheit) returns to Club Passim on Saturday, 3/22 for his first solo performance since the release of his most recent CD, Old & Young. *** BLACK FORTRESS OF OPIUM has their CD release at The Abbey Lounge on Thursday, 3/27. *** PRESSURE COOKER brings their lively reggae to Johnny D’s on Friday, 3/28. *** The Noise brings Lolita’s Love Fest to The Cantab on Saturday, 4/12 with THE RUDDS on top of the orgy. *** MUCK & THE MIRES release a new 4-song 10” vinyl EP on Friday, 4/18 at the Middle East. The EP is called Doreen (the title track) and contains songs from their forthcoming CD produced by KIM FOWLEY for Dirty Water Records (London). TOP HEAVY releases their CD at that same party. *** BIG DIPPER reunites at The Middle East Downstairs on Saturday, 4/26. Rita: That’s it. Hope you catch at least one of these shows. Lolita: And let us know what you think about our March online-only issue. See you back in print in April.

CHOCOLATE, HEARTS, & KISSES

Lolita: It’s February and by mid-month everyone will be sending me chocolate, hearts, and kisses. Rita: What about it being Black History Month? Lolita: Yes, all races send me chocolate, hearts, and kisses. Rita: But, I mean let’s focus on it being Black History Month instead of the month that includes Valentine’s Day. Lolita: Well, if it means anything to you, I do prefer dark chocolate. Rita: You’re impossible. Think of a Question of the Month that will let people honor their black heroes. Lolita: I prefer the ones that send me the most chocolate, have the biggest hearts, and the deepest kisses. Rita: Well, snap out of your daydreamin’ and go ask our local rock ’n’ roll friends to tell you about their black heroes. There’s Liz getting on a bus—grab her before she gets to the back of the bus.

BLACK HEROES

Lolita: Hey Liz, in honor of Black History Month, who’s your black hero? LIZ BORDEN (The Liz Borden Band/ The Velvets): Rosa Parks is my hero. She was a very brave woman. She had several things working against her. (1) She was black. (2) She was a woman. (3) The unequal laws for blacks and whites and the time she was living in. She was so brave to get on that bus, sit in front and refuse to move. She stood up for all people that were not treated equally. She is very lucky that she lived to make a place for herself in history. There are so many other brave people that were killed for their efforts. I actually have a photo of her hanging up in my house. It reminds me of the struggles and the bravery that all minorities had to go through. We still have away to go but we are getting there. *** ADAM VON BUHLER (Anarchy Club): My black hero would be Prince. Even though he’s been phoning it in for about the past 20 years, it still seems like he sneezes and out pops another completed funk masterpiece. Today’s music is shot through with his DNA. Or maybe Jimi. The fact that he could play all that heartfelt stuff while tripping his face off astonishes me. *** LINDA VIENS (Angeline): I sure have a ton of black heroes but on this day I’m gonna go with George Clinton who uttered the immortal and truthful words: “Free your ass, your mind will follow!” *** SHAUN WOLF WORTIS (Gato Malo): Too many to name! Louis Armstrong, Alan Toussaint, Jim Brown, Jackie Robinson, Muddy Waters, Sam Cooke, MLK, Ellington. I guess if I had to pick a hero it would be a sports guy, so going withJim Brown who was a fantastically epic figure to me as a kid. *** RAY FERNANDEZ (Triple B Studio/ The Atlantics): I have two black heroes, and they are Mr. Lif and Akrobatik. Aside of having the privilege to work with these great artists in the studio, they’ve become two of my closest friends, and have enriched my life in ways I find hard to put into words. *** KAREN DeBIASSE (Girl On Top): Jimi Hendrix, of course. *** FRANK D (WBOS HD2): Jim Rice, because once he showed up on the scene things started shaking up for the Red Sox, he became the terror of the American League! And because he flew on so many flights all those seasons and never crashed, I carry a Jim Rice baseball card when I fly, which has always been let on the plane with me. Other than that I’d have to say, “sweet Christmas it’s Luke Cage, hero for hire!” Can I add in Jon Butcher to represent in the local rock scene? I even have a copy of his Fayva Shoes radio ad! *** MAX HEINEGG (MaxHeinegg.com): Garrett Oliver, the brewmaster of Brooklyn Brewery is my American beer hero. As Joseph Campbell said, to paraphrase, everyone can be the hero of their own lives if they follow their bliss. He was a BU guy with a real interest in filmmaking and rock music, but fell in love with beer and instead of ruining him, it turned him into an artist who happens to create beer. *** DAVE MIDWAY (The Midway): Bill Russell (the Celtic great) is my hero. He was a large black man who had second-to-none skills on the basketball court and in the game of life. He could win championships for Boston fans but couldn’t eat in “their” restaurants or feel welcome in “their” communities, but he did not let that ignorance run or ruin his life. Bill was quoted in the Globe saying, “If you become embittered by anything, you’ve just given up any chance of being happy. And I owe it to myself and to my family to be as happy as possible.” That’s what heroes say. *** KRIS THOMPSON (The Lothars/ Concord Ballet Orchestra Players): I could say somebody cool musically, like Arthur Lee or Sun Ra or King Tubby, but I’ll go with someone who may seem predictable—Martin Luther King, Jr. He had a brilliant mind, eloquence of speech, and a realistic vision of a better world. Most of the problems he identified (like the profit machinery of war) are still so frustratingly true today. *** ARTIE FREEDMAN (Artie Freedman's Boston Archives): In honor of Black History Month I choose Rudy Ray Moore as hero. From producing, directing and acting in the films Dolemite, The Human Tornado, The Avenging Disco Godfather to his stand up comedy routines. He is a true artist and genius. *** MIKE RODRIGUEZ (As Built PR): Jimi Hendrix because he’s the fucking man. *** ANNA PRICE (The Silver Lining): Definitely Aretha Franklin, Etta James, and Ella Fitzgerald—my three favorite female singers of all time. All three have amazing technique and are untouchable craftsmen, but they also know how to get inside a song and inhabit it emotionally. They bring such life to every song they sing. *** JONATHAN GREENE (Nude Black Glass): One of my black heroes is a man named Greg Wells. He is a fellow devotee of the guru Adi Da Samraj and sets a profound example of what a life of self-understanding and transcendent service should be—a truly humble man. He has some wild stories from back in the day, too. *** LEONID (The Noise): Through Martin Luther King Jr.’s charisma, incredible ability to speak to a crowd, and overwhelming intelligence he united the African American community and gave them the strength and confidence to fight for their rights. Lincoln freed them but MLK Jr. united them into a powerhouse that accredited their entire race. He accomplished more for his people in one decade than everyone in the prior century. The Montgomery bus boycott gave them respect. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 provided everyone with true citizenship. His final vision, the Radical Redistribution of Wealth scared White America enough to assassinate him thus seizing and later poisoning his progress. *** MICHAEL BLOOM (Tim Mungenast & his Preexisting Conditions): When I was a kid and wanted to be a scientist, George Washington Carver was one of my heroes. But now, all things considered, I’m casting my vote for Shirley Chisholm, who in 1972, scooped both Obama and Hillary as the first black and female candidate for president. *** STIX SIGMA (The Hammond Group/ The Allstonians): Speaking for The Hammond Group, I have to say that our black heroes are numerous: Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., Angela Davis, Ralph Ellison, Jackie Robinson, Rosa Parks, etc. If you don’t know who any of these folks are, don’t just nod your head and pretend you do—look them up. My personal hero is Angelo Moore—he plays a mean bass sax, sings like a possessed sparrow, and he’s not too shabby on the theremin either. Here’s to Black History Month! *** AD FRANK (…& the Fast Easy Women): Paul Robeson is my all-time hero of any race. No one did more to leverage his artistic abilities to try to change the world. And that voice... *** SAMMY MIAMI (Shööt The Möön): The late great Curtis Mayfield. His sound, style and persona are beyond inspirational. He sang from the heart and demanded your soul be uplifted by the truth in his words. Even his paralyzing accident that condemned him to a wheelchair did not break the man’s spirit. He never once drew attention to his ailments and always remained focused on raising youth awareness regarding the struggle for brotherhood and peace for all mankind. *** DEEK (Age Against the Machine—Rage Tribute): Among many (more historic and legendary) others, I’d have to give a nod to Rocky George, guitarist from Suicidal Tendencies—the man has laid down some truly sick guitar work over the years, and from what I understand, he’s undoubtedly been yet another inspiration to future and current “minorities in metal.” Jimi Hazel from 24-7 SPYZ (hell, the whole band) has always blown me away as well. *** LIZ ENTHUSIASM (Freezepop): I own (and actually read) the Mr. T autobiography; I guess that makes him my hero. *** JIM COUNTRYMAN (Lovewhip): My black hero is not black but whoever thought up the awesome idea of a wigger. Lovewhip gets to travel to places not as forward thinking as Boston and it is amazing that white kids haven’t caught on to the hipster tight pants look yet, but are still rocking poopie pants like it’s 1995. Don’t they know that rap is on the way out (except for white hipster tight pant wearing crunkrap!). Please pull up them drawers! Besides that, I will forever love Mr. James Brown. *** JOHN BEAUDETTE (Destroy Babylon): Hopefully someone already said Frederick Douglass, because I gotta say Augustus Pablo; anyone who can take a silly instrument like the melodica and make it an integral part of a whole genre of music is a hero! *** CRAZY EDDIE NOWIK (Bentmen): Gee... I have so many! I’m going to go with guitarist Pete Cosey (Miles Davis)—a Les Paul through a ring modulator! Need I say more? He’s an incredible out-there guitarist! *** ERIK LINDGREN (Birdsongs of the Mesozoic/Arf Arf Records): My good pal and Atlanta bass baritone Oral Moses, who recently collaborated with Birdsongs on our Extreme Spirituals CD and definitely lives up to his regal name. Although I’m an agnostic bastard, Oral’s belief in a supreme higher being almost makes me think there might be an ounce of credibility in the incredibly destructive scam that human beings created called Christianity. *** JIM CURRAN (Jim Curran Photographer): Bill Russell. He wasn’t the first. He may not have been the best. But he endured all the racist bullshit this city had to offer during the ’60s and led the Celtics to eleven NBA championships. According to Wikipedia, when Russell tried to move from his home in the Boston suburb of Reading to a new home across town, neighbors filed a petition trying to block the move. Other black heroes: Dick Gregory, Miles Davis, and Willie O’Ree. *** DIANE ANDRONICA (CCTV): I love baseball. My black hero is Jackie Robinson. He knew he was going to have to deal with a lot of abuse from players, fans, the press, in addition to the inequalities of being an African American in the United States at that time. He had to promise not to fight back no matter how he was taunted, except with his bat. He won Rookie of the Year and proved that black people are just as good athletes as whites and opened up the opportunity for integration of baseball. Sadly, the Red Sox were the last team to integrate. *** KEVIN FINN (The Noise): Buck O’Neil. I’ve always loved hearing stories about Negro League baseball, and this man might be in the handful of greatest storytellers who ever lived. There were two things I really loved about Buck. One, he wasn’t one of those cranky old-timers always yapping about how things were better way back when; he loved baseball and people regardless of era. Two, he fought selflessly to make sure that the great Negro League ballplayers got their due, never seeming to care about his place in history. His getting overlooked by the Hall of Fame is nothing short of disgraceful. *** BEN MADDOX (Farm): John Coltrane because his race is rarely if ever considered a qualifier for his greatness. *** ANDY MILK (The Vital Might): My black hero is a guy I grew up with named Brian Morrison. He and I were like brothers when we used to hang around Kalmus Beach in Hyannis while our parents worked. I grew up with two sisters so he became like my big brother. When he got older, not only did he grow be a huge man in size, but an even larger man in character. He serves as a police officer and served three terms in Iraq for the U.S. Army. In between those campaigns he managed to win Big Brother of the Year in Massachusetts. What a guy. *** CHUCK U. ROSINA (WMFO/WMBR): My black hero? Does it have to be only one? And does it have to be American? I mean the first person that comes to my mind is Nelson Mandela. That man overcame amazing odds and transformed a country. But I guess there is no Black History Month in South Africa. As for American blacks overcoming, there is of course Martin Luther King. The federal holiday softens his true radical anti-war stance that he had in his latter years of activism. We always here “I have a dream,” a great concept indeed, but if he were here today, he’d be in the streets demanding troops out of Iraq. I’m probably running out of space, but Harriet Tubman, the great anti-slavery activist of the 19th century is also worth noting. True history comes from hearing all perspectives. *** ROGER MILLER (Mission of Burma/ Alloy Orchestra): Jimi Hendrix. I saw him in Ann Arbor, Michigan in a club the size of the Rat. He came out of the dressing room smoking a cigarette with one hand, and playing an astounding raga/feedback solo with his other. He was able to be avant-garde, primal, sexual, and transcendentally cosmic simultaneously. His like will not be seen in this world again. Rita: You got that right. Jimi did for the guitar what Martin Luther King did for colored people’s rights. Lolita: What’s with “colored people”? Rita: That was the correct terminology in the early ’60s—funny how it changes decade to decade.

ROCK NEWS

Rita: And it’s funny how there’s always new news to report. Life just keeps happening. SHAWN “WOLF” WORTIS became a dad when his wife Ingrid gave birth to the 7 lbs 5 oz Isabella Charlotte Wortis on December 2, 2007. *** Besides winning two Boston Music Awards (Outstanding Rock Band and Local Song of the Year), BANG CAMARO landed a feature in the January issue of Spin Magazine. They’re also in an episode of American Chopper. These guys don’t stop—their video of “Pleasure Pleasure” includes the cast of OCC and MTV/Harmonix’s star game, RockBand. *** If your band gets a show in Burlington, VT, you can get airplay on the Radiator (WOMM-LP 105.9fm) if you send your CD to P.O. Box 428, Burlington, VT 05402. Contact Jim at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or (802) 865-1140. *** MARTIN DOYLE has partnered up with MICKEY BLISS for booking the Cantab, which has turned into Central Square’s latest hot spot. *** SHRED is back in town booking Friday nights at Oliver’s/Cask n Flagon, 62 Brookline Ave. Boston, MA. Learn more here: www.myspace.com/thecask *** On December 10, 2007, the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences nominated twenty-one Berklee alumni and three faculty members for a total of 26 Grammy Awards. *** The Draft Bar & Grille (34 Harvard Ave. in Allston) features live original music (rock, funk, pop or indie) on Thursday nights. For more information or booking, please email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it *** You can watch an animated video for “Sci Fi Pimp” from RUSSELL CHUDNOFSKY’s Skypaint at www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1351358676. *** JOSH BOUGHY (a.k.a. PHINEUS) has been not only dabbling in electronic music but inventing an instrument to play it. His Stribe got featured on the Create Digital Music website. *** MARTIN DiLIEGRO (Mystery Tramps’ drummer) broke his arm when he was young and it never healed correctly—so he had it fixed while the band was busy waiting for him to heal. *** “When I say Patriots you say touchdown”—Pats fever swept Egypt when the WACKASS EGYPTIANS delivered their Patriots anthem. *** OEDIPUS is getting married on March 18 and asked if we’d come to his wedding. After we said, of course—he let us know the wedding would take place in Bangkok. Lolita: We love you Oedipus but it would take me at least a week to hitch hike to Bangkok.

TROUBLE GETTING ON AN AIRPLANE

Rita: While Lolita contemplates faster ways to hitchhike to Bangkok, I’ll go down to the airport to ask a new question. Oh, Susanna, that cello looks like it would be troublesome to get on an airplane. Have you had any trouble getting anything on a plane? SUSANNA PORTE (The Cello Chix): Yes, my mother (she has separation anxiety). *** AUDREY RYAN (Audrey Ryan): I was in Europe this fall on tour and took about six flights and on the last one I got busted for having a small container of cover-up because it was supposedly over 100ml of liquid. They told me it had to “be in a plastic bag” so I had to go back to the place where they check your passport and buy a plastic bag for a couple euro in a vending machine and then wait in the security line again to go through the metal detector and have my cover-up in a plastic bag. Took about an extra half hour and I almost missed the flight with that setback. They even take your toothpaste! Watch out for that liquid! *** CASEY DESMOND (Casey Desmond): One time I had this shriveled up septuagenarian scrooge of a flight attendant demanded I take my instrument and get off the plane immediately. Security was called, my guitar was taken, and one hour later we took off for Boston. Arrival was even worse as I received my Gibson with a fresh crack in the wood, and my pedal board was nowhere to be found. I hurried to my soundcheck in a fit of unspeakable rage. I despise airlines. Buy ATA! *** KIER BYRNES (Three Day Threshold): I was in Omaha meeting my cousin who had just driven up from Brownsville, TX. In he walks with a huge bull skull, complete with horns measuring four feet from tip to tip. He said “Kier, the instant I saw this, it reminded me of you.” I’m still not sure what he meant by that, but when it came time to go back home, the airport refused to let me board as they called my cow head a weapon, so I missed my flight and had to make other arrangements to get back. How I made it back with the bull head is another story for another time. *** WILL DAILEY (Will Dailey & the Rivals): Yes! Me. I have no love for US Airways. Three cancellations while sitting on the runway. Lost bags. Stranded in airports. Ticket errors. Won’t let my guitar in as a carry on. Official boycott of US Airways starts now. *** DANIEL PAUL BOUCHER (Neptune): The first UK tour Neptune did I was questioned and had my carry-on desecrated by a creepy, intrusive explosive-detecting wand. The razor sharp security persons thought my drum key to be quite suspect. They looked at me in that leery authoritarian way and I offered, “It’s like a wrench... for drums, you know?” Just before me Mark breezed through with some truly questionable homemade devices in his bag which included an old alarm clock with a contact mic epoxied to it and a duct-taped box that had switches, dials, and exposed wire all over. I was like, what the fuck? Keep the damn drum key, but go get the guy with the fucking bomb in his bag! *** LARRY DERSCH (A.K.A.C.O.D./ Binary System): The hardest thing I’ve ever tried to get on a plane is my butt at 5:30am. And why are all these people so damn chirpy? ***JAKE HALL (The Self Righteous Brothers): The only time I’ve ever had trouble getting something onto a plane was when I was 13 years old and my older Colombian cousin... we’ll call him Jeff... asked me to bring a half kilo of cocaine back to the states. Of course I was happy to do my cousin a favor but unfortunately I had to bring it in three tied off condoms that were inserted into my rectum. I didn’t receive any suspicion from airport employees, but it was still very difficult to walk through the airport without wincing. That is the only time I’ve ever had trouble getting something onto a plane. *** PETER RINNIG (QRST’s): True story: Many years ago when I was traveling in the South Pacific. I flew into Sydney, Australia (coming from Tahiti). I was dressed in all black, smelled from not taking a shower and not having any sleep. Basically, I was disgusting looking and smelling. Well, in hindsight, you should NOT go through airport security like that. I was taken aside, strip searched down to my skivvies and read the riot act. Thankfully I had nothing to hide. It took about one and a half hours for this process. From then on, I always take a shower and wear clean clothes! *** JUANITA (WBCN): I had trouble getting myself onto an airplane. A couple of years ago, I was traveling with my mom, and as I was handing the ticket counter person my license, my mom looked at my picture and said, no joke, “That doesn’t even look like you. You look like a terrorist!” Needless to say, we both got pulled out of line and had every inch of our luggage searched, and almost missed our flight. *** KEN CMAR (Wonderdrug Records): Yeah, myself. I was actually born in Tripoli, Libya (on an American air force base), so my passport says, “birthplace: Tripoli.” You can imagine the field day the customs agents have with that one (it seems by scraggly beard doesn’t help, either). I’ve almost missed many a flight coming back into the U.S. being interrogated. Although being stranded in Amsterdam does not sound like too bad of an idea. *** MIKE PIELH (Reverse/ Tim Gearan): No, in fact the summer after 9/11 I flew from Boston to Albuquerque and missed the connecting flight in Denver. Early the next morning, I go through the metal detector in Denver with my courier bag (same bag I walked on the first plane with in Boston) and they found: a nail set, miscellaneous nails and screws, a box cutter and a second E-acto knife. So I had all that crap with me when I walked through the metal detectors at Logan! *** JOHN EYE (One of Us): Yes, I had the hardest time getting a pair of handcuffs on to a plane headed to Key West, but I finally convinced them, heh heh. *** KEN FIELD (Birdsongs of the Mesozoic/ Revolutionary Snake Ensemble): On one of Birdsongs’ three tours to Hawaii, we packed much of our gear into a huge, heavy road case (that had, as I recall, once been owned by Aerosmith). We called it the hell box. We were advised by our travel agent that by tipping the skycap generously we’d have no trouble getting it on board. That worked in Boston, but after our west coast gigs they didn’t let it on the plane to Hawaii. We had to ship it airfreight via a later flight at a huge cost. Well worth it though; the tour was great! *** DAVE WESTNER (Woolly Mammoth Sound): I’m a pilot. The hardest thing to get into an airplane was one of my ex-girlfriend’s mom. She was so fat, I had to say no when she asked me if I would take her flying. She wouldn’t have fit in the seat, and the plane would have been overweight with the two of us in there. Is that too harsh? Lolita: Harsh! I can’t believe you would mention my mom like that in this column and not think it would get me upset. I didn’t hear you complaining about her weight when you named the studio after her.

MUSICAL CHAIRS

Rita: Speaking of heavyweights in another way—COUNT ZERO has picked up HARI HASSIN (Quitter/ Roadsaw) as their new drummer. *** DAVE SMITH (x-Jaya the Cat/ Ragged Old Flag) has a new band called DAVE SMITH & THE COUNTRY REBELS. *** VARSITY DRAG features BEN DEILY (Lemonheads). *** THE VELVETS include LIZ BORDEN (Liz Borden Band), TAMORA GOODING (Ziaf/ Axemunkee), and brothers SEAN MURRAY and JEFF MURRAY (both Jake & the Jakes and both Liz’s cousins). *** JOHNNY ANGUISH (x-Calender Girl) has a group DIRT MALL and they’ve got a CD out—Got the Goat by the Horns. *** MARINA STORM (from Vancouver, Canada) is the new lead singer for JADED. *** The new FIGHTING COCKS have added PETE CASSANI (The Peasants), CARL BIANCUCCI (Classic Ruins), and TONY SAVARINO (World’s Greatest Sinners). *** THE CHARMS are no longer. *** REEVES GABRELS has played with David Bowie, Ozzy Osbourne, The Cure, The Bentmen and now he ads CLUB d’ELF to the list. *** CHRIS MASCARA is not thumping the bass in Meandjoancollins now. The band is currently looking for a new bassist. *** THE THROWAWAYS were mostly thrown away from THE MARVELS. They include STAFFY on vocals, ZIMMY and CHRIS on guitars, DENNY on bass, and DAMIEN on drums. *** ERIC SCHMIDER (Molly Coddle) has a new unnamed band with FAITH SOLOWAY (electric piano), MATT TAHANEY (bass), JAMIE ANDERSON (drums), and FRANK MAROTTA (guitar). *** IZZY MAXWELL (Count Zero) has a new band in the Nine Inch Nails vein called DEATH OF THE COOL. *** JOSEPH SCHWARZ now sits on the drummer’s stool for US VERSUS THEM. *** LITTLE GUITAR features SEAN STAPLES (octave mandolin/ vocals), JIMMY RYAN (mandocello/ vocals), JOE KESSLER (violin), and BILLY CONWAY (drums). Rita: Lolita, remember a long time ago when you were on the beach with Billy Conway and he got in a lot of trouble because of it. Lolita: I remember that time fondly. I’m sure he’ll be sending me chocolate, hearts, and many kisses.

FEBRUARY 14 IS VD

Rita: Let’s see what others think about the mid-February, made-up holiday for lovers. Lolita, go grab Tim—he’s just about to buy that tacky, pink heart-shaped box of chocolates. Lolita: I’m not going to stop him—he’s probably buying it for me. I’ll wait ’til he comes out of the CVS. Excuse me Tim, I couldn’t help notice that you were just thinking about me, so I wanted to know—what are your feelings about Valentine’s Day? TIM MUNGENAST (… & His Preexisting Conditions): Sure, Valentine’s Day may be a scam to sell cards and candy (and SUVs, if you believe those stupid, stupid TV ads), but honestly, we guys often have a mental block about actually telling our women how much we love them, and if it takes a Madison Avenue phony-baloney holiday to jump-start us, that may not be such a bad thing. But I swear if I see one more TV ad where some moneybag eedjit gives his woman a gift-wrapped SUV (in that fashionably ultra-boring silver, no less), I will puke like a guy who went jogging after five Southern Comfort eggnogs. Lolita: I’m so pleased that Tim is considering buying me an SUV supplied with a lot of Southern Comfort. But someone please hint to him that I’d prefer a hybrid full of Jack. *** FRANK ROWE (Classic Ruins): Since the ’80s I have prepared an elaborate valentine for my Chosen Valentine. It’s a rebus—a sequence of pictures of objects that spell out a message. Example: a bunch of polka dots, followed by an arm, followed by a moray eel spells, dots-arm-moray:’ That’s Amore.’ Denise said they had to be more elaborate each year, and her last few were carved on pieces of furniture I built. Now I’ve toned back. So, anyway, to me the approach of Valentine’s Day means it’s time to begin The Project. *** CHRIS MULVEY (Muy Cansado): To be cheesy and quote a movie, “Valentine’s Day is a holiday made up for greeting card companies to make people feel bad about themselves’’ (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). I haven’t had a girlfriend the last three years and unless something miraculous happens I won’t have one this coming Valentine’s Day either. I have no problem with that, but Valentine’s Day still sucks. It’s a reminder that other people spend the day with “someone special” and you go home alone and wonder if that girl you used to date is still single. Fuck it. *** STEPHIE PEEKA (...& The SeeKing 7): Valentine’s Day is bloody rot. I feel like throwing up just thinking of it. Even if you are with the one you want, it’s horseshite—like a holiday for fifth graders. Enjoy it kiddies before it gets vile. And you buy into the big machine perpetuating crap. Bloody rotters. *** MR. CURT (Mr. Curt Ensemble/ Peace Chorus): Next to our birthdays, this is the most magical of personal celebrations, never forgotten and always attended to. When you’ve truly been in love as long as Ms. Donna and myself (yikes–almost forty years!), it’s a positive must. *** MIKE MYLES (Rude Toys): Invented by Hallmark to make a buck... like they didn’t get enough at Christmas. *** CHRIS BRAT (The Acro-brats/ The Throwaways): People are always giving me candy and expensive gifts and asking me out to dinner on Valentine’s Day, so I guess it’s all right. *** DOUGLAS DESPRES (Douglas Despres Photography): This is a day that is all about one thing. Forget romance, this is an excuse to pamper your mate and have a mind-blowing baby-making fun time. Blast the music, bring on the wine, and don’t forget the chocolate. *** NANCY DELANEY (Temper/ The Cello Chix): Call me a romantic but Valentine’s Day is a way for Russell Stover and Hallmark to generate sales. If you really love someone you don’t need a special day to prove it. When it comes to amorous February holidays I prefer Mardi Gras. *** MICHAEL EPSTEIN (The Motion Sick/ Okay Thursday): I think that Marnie would be overwhelmed by the redness of the decorations, that those candy hearts are chalky, and that few romantic comedies are even watchable. *** TREVOR GRAHAM-WILCOX (Hundred Years War): Valentines Day was more fun in elementary school. Back then we were annually instructed to express romantic love for our whole class. Now we are told to focus those feelings on a specific person on February 14th. But don’t we have the rest of the year to do that? Maybe I’ll bust out my 4th grade yearbook, make a list and send everyone a candy heart that says “miss you” or “hug me” or some crap. *** MISS LYN (Boston Groupie News): I hate Valentine’s Day because I see all these guys running around with flowers in their arms, on the way to their girlfriends to profess their love! Or, as I walked down the street, I have to see couples out on dates, walking around hand-in-hand, arm-in-arm bein’ lovey-dovey and me, I’m perpetually ALONE! And it sucks. I try to stay home and hide from the smiling happy people... grrrrrrr. *** AARON SINCLAIR (Frank Smith): Sure would be nice to have some. *** MIKE SERRA (Build A Machine): My feelings about Valentine’s Day are a mixed bag. For those of us out there who have a true loving relationship, it is a most excellent holiday because you get all macked out, put the moves on, and get some sweetass lovin’ at the end of the night. You make your girl feel like she’s the queen of the world. But, for all the single people out there, it can make you feel like the loneliest, unloved, pathetic excuse of a human being. That’s why you gotta go get very drunk with your closest lonely, unloved, and pathetic friends. *** DAVID KIRKDORFFER (UNDO): Champagne, chocolate, and a bit of a sqweeze with the missus checking out her soft-centre—what’s not to love? *** JORDAN VALENTINE (World’s Greatest Sinners): Baby, every day is Jordan Valentine’s day. *** CARL BIANCUCCI (Classic Ruins): I’m in favor of any day that might result in me enjoying coitus or chocolate. Lolita: A man of my dreams. How ’bout we combine the experiences?

CLUB SCENE

Rita: And here’s where to find some other fine experiences. Club Bohemia moves their Mardi Gras over to Ryles (212 Hampshire St., Cambridge) with CHICKEN SLACKS SOUL REVUE leading the charge on Friday, 2/1. *** On Saturday, 2/2, SHAUN & SUZI celebrate Mardi Gras at T.T.’s where THE VUDU KREWE MARDI GRAS BAND backs JOHN POWHIDA, PETER MOORE, HOLLY BREWER,CHRIS MASCARA, JORDAN VALENTINE, etc. *** Last issue’s cover gals, THE CELLO CHIX, release their debut CD on Friday, 2/8, at the Lizard Lounge. *** That same night STATIC OF THE GODS release their “Peluche” video at the Enormous Room. *** ROCK BOTTOM gets Johnny D’s rocking on Friday, 2/15. *** On Saturday, 2/16, TIM GEARAN holds his CD release party at the Lizard Lounge. *** Same night HALLELUJAH THE HILL entertains at the Middle East Downstairs. *** Sunday, 2/17, to Sunday, 2/24, DARKBUSTER throws up at Harpers Ferry. *** FLAVORHEARD delivers hip hop reggae to Zuzu on Friday, 2/22. *** The Noise presents LADY COP, LOVEWHIP, BONEGUNN, and TRADES at Church on Saturday, 2/23. *** On Wednesday, 2/27, THE MOTION SICK releases its second CD at Church. *** HOORAY FOR EARTH celebrates their new CD at the Middle East Downstairs on Friday, 2/29. Rita: We’ll leave you with the wise words of Martin Luther King, Jr., “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” Lolita: And remember, our March issue is on-line only!

RITA’S RANT

Rita: I’m mad as hell that our political system has been manipulated to serve those who are elected instead of serving the people. That’s complete bullshit. Taxpayers’ money is being funneled into a military machine that disrupts lives with torture and murder. We have to stand up. We’ve got to speak out. We have to be smarter than the assholes that try to trick us at every turn. Lolita: And then we’ve got the presidential candidates with all their rhetoric, propaganda, backstabbing, and flip-flopping—they might as well debate the merits of a good rock song. Rita: Let’s find out what our friends think. Lolita, put down your friggin’ “Writer on Strike” sign and go ask what the most important issue the presidential candidates should focus on. Hey, there’s Kier buying cowboy boots, go ask him…

NUMBER ONE ISSUE

Lolita: Kier, can you hold my sign while I get my pen out? And then tell me the main issue the presidential candidates should address? I liked that photo of you on the cover of The Noise. Okay, I’ll take the sign back. Want me to hold your boots? Wow, I like these boots. Oh yeah, the number one issue? Not the issue with you on the cover…  KIER BYRNES (Three Day Threshold): We need to look into finding and developing alternative, renewable energy sources. We need to lessen our dependence on foreign oil and get the hell out of places we don’t belong (Iraq!). *** CHUCK U. ROSINA (WMFO/WMBR): It’s hard to just pick one issue for candidates to focus on.  The war is obvious, but our energy consumption and environment are equally important.  All three are interrelated.  It would be nice to hear candidates talk about the issues in these terms.  How our consumption habits effect the environment and are the real reason for our occupation in Iraq.  (Might it have something to do with oil?)  Actually one candidate, Dennis Kucinich, is addressing these issues in these terms. We are lied to when told it is a war on terror.  Howard Zinn says, “War IS terror.”  None of the perpetrators of the 9/11 attacks came from Iraq.  Support our troops.  Bring them safely home to their families. *** WILLIE ALEXANDER (Fisheye Brothers): Getting us out of Iraq now.  We shouldn’t be there in the first place. We’ve been messing things up in the Middle East since the end of WWI. *** DANIEL CANTOR (Jim’s Big Ego/African Underground): Our capitalistic system has become so overwhelmed by the military complex, lobbyists, and cutthroat career-obsessed politicians that it has stopped representing the people. The current leadership is running amuck stopping scientific research, messing up the environment, and letting big business destroy the country and other countries for the sake of money, power, and a very intolerant version of God. Let’s get back to basics. Lets have our voting system be overhauled and verifiable. Democracy only works when all votes are counted and polling is freely accessible. *** RIK TINORY (Rik Tinory Productions): Bring the troops home from all alien countries and bring the oil home with them. *** DAVE CRESPO (Dave Crespo): The war in Iraq has to be the biggest issue in the next election. It is what has defined America socially and economically within the past eight years. The decision about how much longer we stay there will determine the kind of country that America is going to be for years to come. The decision of how soon we back out of Iraq is an issue of how this country is viewed to the rest of the world, an economic issue and a social issue since people fighting over seas effect so many families and friends in this country. *** NANCY NEON (The Noise): There are so many crucial issues—the environment, the Iraq war, health care, etc.  But I feel the most immediate is the necessity of restoring our constitutional rights that have eroded over the past six years. Habeas corpus and due process must be restored. The government must stop unwarranted spying on our citizens. Guantanamo Bay must be closed and those held there must be given access to justice. The government must stop extraordinary rendition—the secret kidnapping of our citizens and taking them to countries that allow torture. *** JASON BENNETT (Jason Bennett & the Resistance): The number one issue that the presidential candidates should focus on is how they plan to bring this country back together again with some kind of collective identity. We’ve had eight years of division and spite, but in the end we should all be on the same side. We’re going to have a big problem when we finally manage to end this war with the impact it has on our economy and culture. Of course it would also help if we had some candidates that had any courage or beliefs. *** SAM GILMAN (Otis Grove): I think the candidates should focus on how to change the global opinion of the U.S., ’cause right now it’s held somewhere between moldy cheese and garbage water. It’s important to show the world that we are trying to have a constructive influence and are not just some money-hungry war machine (which we currently are). *** MIKE DIPLOMAT (The Flashing Reds): Iraq, Iraq, Iraq.  It is time to get out of there already!  There are so many reasons why this war is bad news. I would go into it, but The Noise has basically stated them all—End War Now.  It is very frustrating that out of all the presidential candidates, only two give clear answers when asked if they would leave Iraq: Kucinich for the Democrats and Paul for the Republicans.  Unfortunately neither one has much of a chance of winning.  So alas, once again it comes down to the lesser of two evils, and that usually means quite a bit of evil.  Guess it is time for rock ’n’ roll to save the world, again. *** DAVE BALERNA (The Midway): My question for the candidates and my number one beef with all of the motherfuckers running is that all of their platforms have been voiced before, but nobody ever can solve them. The platforms ring hollow and redundant. Cut taxes for the middle class, no child left behind, cut funding for the pugnacious majority, blah, blah, blah. Why do we fall for the propaganda in the blind belief that salvation is on the horizon? The world’s ills are currently overwhelming and unsolvable. So buy a ticket and stay for the show that is hopefully in a bunker with an agreeable, amenable partner. Rita: I’ve gotta get this other thorn out of my system—I am tired of every millionaire candidate asking me to give them money to help run their campaign. These presidential candidates have been rolling their rallies for over a year now and there’s still almost another year to go. Imagine if we limited the amount of money a candidate could spend on their campaign or put a six-month limit on when advertising could run for any election? Lolita: It’s not a bad idea but it’s trivial when put up next to torture and murder. Let’s find out what’s relatively important in our rock scene—what’s up Rita?

ROCK NEWS

Rita: I recently discovered what I believe is New England’s longest running showcase for unsigned bands on the radio. Homegrown on WPXC (PIXY 103fm, West Yarmouth, and pixy103.com) Sunday night 10-midnight, hosted by SUZANNE TONAIRE started airing in January ’87. Bands can mail their press kits to Suzanne at 278 South Sea Avenue, West Yarmouth, MA 02673, or send their electronic press kits to sonicbids.com. *** THE DRESDEN DOLLS have turned seven and have that seven-year itch. They’ll be doing a winter tour, maybe the last one for a long time. *** The Grey Hound Pub (Kelly Square, Worcester) is looking for original bands to play there. Check out their MySpace page at the greyhound_kelleysq. *** MARK DOHERTY (Nowhere USA) and RYAN PACKER (Jason Bennett & the Resistance) play the Deegan Brothers in MIKE O’DEA’s Townies—a local film being made that touts the claim of most realistic mob movie in the world. Watch for the release of Townies in the spring of ’08. *** YOLK SHIRE’s double CD The Witching Hour was mastered by Grammy award winning engineer ADAM AYA at Gateway Studios. *** Over 30 New Hampshire retail outlets, CD Baby, Amazon, and 62 digital outlets are now are participating in forwarding profits from THE EFFENGEES’ debut release to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. *** There is a ’zine based in Northeastern University that is doing a lot of local music coverage. Bands, send your press kits to Tastemakers, 434 Curry Student Center, 360 Huntington Avenue, Boston, MA 02115. *** MARTIN DOYLE has found another place for bands to play—J.J. Foley’s (21 Kingston Street, downtown Boston). Bands play on Sunday nights only from 7:30 to midnight. Contact Martin at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it and listings can be found on his MySpace page mdbooking. *** TAYLOR BAREFOOT broke his thumb falling off his bicycle and still managed to play a gig with Casey Desmond’s band. *** This may not be rock news but many people are aware of the $1.7 million Arborway house in J.P. that is super decorated every year around Christmas. This year, owner Dominic Luberto has added a 10-foot-high, 650-pound gold-colored crown to the top of his three-story, Tudor-style castle. *** All Kindsa Girls, THE REAL KIDS documentary has been rocking Canadians with a showing in Winnipeg. *** CHRIS TRAPPER (The Push Stars) is featured in an online segment for the Warner Brothers film August Rush. Chris also has his song “This Time” in the film. *** The Providence Record Show and Rock & Roll Yard Sale returns on Sunday, 12/9, at 115 Empire St.—free admission. Lolita: Or head over to Looney Tunes on 1106 Boylston Street in Boston, or 1001 Mass. Ave. in Cambridge, for a similar experience—also free admission. Rita: Plus you get the added bonus of possibly meeting a local music star—take your pick—PETER PRESCOTT (Mission of Burma), JEFF CONOLLY (Lyres), DENNIS McCARTHY (The Prime Movers), PAT McGRATH (Wheelers & Dealers). Lolita: Face to face with local icons! That might be too scary for some people.

THE SCARIEST THING

Rita: Scary? Those dudes aren’t scary. Okay, Jeff can be a little unpredictable, but they’re all very lovable. Let’s ask all the rockers we know what’s the scariest thing they have ever seen. Look, look, there’s Dana, another local icon, with his baritone sax—if you’re not too scared, Lolita, go ask him. DANA COLLEY (A.K.A.C.O.D./ Twinemen): The scariest thing I have ever seen was with out a doubt 9/11. My daughter had just celebrated her first month on earth on the Monday the 10th. Tuesday morning I was at my sister-in-law’s on the Vineyard and I had India on my lap and the TV was on.  At first I thought this had to be some new trailer for a movie but it just didn’t register what was happening. Then it became all too real with the following events and the aftermath. The most frightened I have ever been thinking this was the world our children were inheriting. She is six now and it still scares the shit out of me. *** KAREN DeBIASSE (Girl On Top): We were eating in the North End one evening when the waitress entered screaming, “There’s a dead lady out there!  There’s a dead lady out there!”  Of course we all went out look.  Parked in front of the restaurant was a fancy white Cadillac, engine running, doors locked, with a dead woman, mouth wide open, white as a ghost hunched over in the passenger seat dead.  The cops couldn’t get in because the doors were all locked.  Strange and eerie. *** DICK TATE (The Prime Movers/ Middle East): Ace Frehley up close without his makeup on—OUCH! *** TIM FARRELL (Miskatonic): Scariest thing I ever saw? Dick Cheney in a thong. Wait, I haven’t seen that. Thank God! *** MIKE LANGLIE (Twink): Watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on TV for the first time. Seeing the animated abominable snowman peer over the mountain sent me screaming and gave me nightmares for weeks. Pretty silly now but it blew my five-year-old mind. I really expected it to climb out of the TV like in The Ring. *** STIX SIGMA (The Allstonians/ The Hammond Group): The scariest thing I’ve ever seen was the sight of several Allstonians including yours truly drinking grappa with our Italian tour manager, Chico, until he got sick in the parking lot of a communist youth center in Modena, Italy. Pavarotti didn’t show up that night. *** RUBY BIRD (Bird Mancini): I have never seen more scary, red-necked, boneheaded people than when I played in a band in Omaha. We played a club called The Alibi every Sunday to a room full of Hell’s Angels... these are the original Hell’s Angels, not the second shifters out in L.A. Oddly enough, they weren’t as scary as the farmer townies who would hang around in gangs after our gigs and swing mic stands at us just for kicks. One night they split our friend’s head wide open. Glad those days are far behind me! *** JOSE DE LARA (Protokoll): Well, morbid curiosity once got the best of me and I saw one of the Iraqi jihadist beheading videos. It was one of the most frighteningly macabre things I have ever seen human beings do to an individual. We live in an age where information is mostly free and available to the masses online. We can see things that happen in the world that normally we would be ignorant to because of the availability of the Internet. I strangely find justification in viewing these videos however, because I think that it’s a heavy way of personally finding some sense of visual awareness of the sheer human brutality that is happening in that particular part of the world. *** MJ QUIRK (Hixx/ Last Ones): The scariest thing I’ve ever seen was the Screen Gems closing logo that they used to show after Bewitched. That music creeped me out big time when I was a kid. The flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz are a close second. *** TIM MUNGENAST (…& His Preexisting Conditions): The scariest thing I ever saw (besides the view from the back-seat window of my big brother’s car as it spun, slid off the road, and rolled down an embankment) was when I was driving behind an ambulance. Through the window I saw a pair of bare feet thrashing up and down. It really freaked me out as I tried to imagine what this fellow was going through. Twenty years later it still gives me the willies... I hope the EMTs were able to save him. Lolita: Tim, it sounds like you should avoid automobiles and not look through their evil windshields.

MUSICAL CHAIRS

Rita: Maybe Tim could look through his evil windshield and tell us what band will break up next, or who’s leaving a band for greener pastures? WhenI looked through his windshield I found some confusion. Now that THE BOSTON AFROBEAT SOCIETY has changed its name to SUPERPOWERS, I’m afraid people might get it mixed up with DAVE TREE’s SUPERPOWER.  Time to call the music lawyers. *** And for those who haven’t figured it out yet—JADA and JADED are two very different all female bands in the area. JADA are singer performance divas signed to Motown, and JADED is a showy metal band. Both bands are very talented and are full of beautiful women. *** On the other hand, THE PUG UGLIES have called it quits, but they will bless us with two final shows filled with handsome guests at the Abbey on Friday, 1/11/08, and Saturday, 1/12/08. *** And like we always say, when one band breaks up, the freed members form new bands—like THE ALLSTON SWINGERS with JESSE VON KENMORE (x-Pug Uglies/ Marvels) on drums, CHAZ MATTHEWS (x-Dimestore Haloes) on guitars and vocals and ANDY EXCUSE (x-Dimestore Haloes/ Gimantis) on bass and vocals. *** CASEY DESMOND’s sister MARY LEE DESMOND has joined her band on backing vocals. *** NOELLE from Damone has a band called Goddess of My Religion. *** FUNF is an experimental music collective consisting of DR. VORHEES (Chris Barrett), PRIMECHUQ (Chuck Pukmel), ONLYONE (Joe Kowalski), M1 (Marco Beaulieu), and SILVA BULLET (Nick Balkin). Their debut full-length album Need is Now is due out January 2008. *** EMILY and STEPH of THE OPERATORS formed a band called TRICUNX, but then Tricunx changed its name to QUINCUNX. *** JAKE & THE JAKES were on their way—landing in our top 10 with both of their 2007 releases—but guess what? They broke up. Watch for their talented members invading other bands or starting new ones. *** And lastly, AMANDA ZW is now womaning the vocal helm of SAD MARVIN. Lolita: Womaning? Oh, I get it—she is breast-feeding the sad boy?

ABCDEFG—WHAT WAS YOUR MOST IMPORTANT?

Rita: No Lolita, you’ve totally missed the point. Womaning, as in a woman manning the helm. Lolita: But how could she womanage that with a baby in her arms? Rita: Forget it. Let’s get to our ABCs. Ask your friends to tell you about the most memorable letter they’ve ever received. Lolita: Oh, you know they’re all very smart. They’ll all say “A-plus.” I got a C-plus once. Okay, I know, enough rambling, I’ll ask your question about important letters. NICHOLE CLARKE (Orange Nichole): When I was in elementary school I received a letter from a convicted murderer in San Quentin prison.  Some older kids found his address in the back of High Times magazine and thought it would be funny to send him a fake letter from a college girl and sign my name and address.  My father didn’t find it so funny.  He wrote back to the guy to apologize for the older kids’ behavior.  I think the kids got suspended from school. *** ROGER C MILLER (Mission of Burma): Randy Black sent me a dream in the mail once.  I thought that was quite curious. *** JOHN POWHIDA (John Powhida International Airport): A coupla summers ago I received a Madonna postcard from radical feminist author and social critic Camille Paglia who wrote that she loved The Rudds cover of the material girl’s “Burning Up.”  She said she would mention our version of the song publicly and she freakin’ did about a year later in salon.com. *** JOE KOWALSKI (Onlyone/ Larry Banilow): Without a doubt, the most memorable letters were all the Double-Ds.  Wonderful letters, those are. *** CORIN ASHLEY (The Pills): It wasn’t that much of a letter, but when I was seven I wrote a fan letter to Evel Knievel and he replied with a short note and an autographed Harley Davidson catalog which he signed “Happy Landings, Evel.” It was about the biggest thing that had happened to me since birth, I can assure you. *** KEN FIELD (Revolutionary Snake Ensemble/ Birdsongs of the Mesozoic): I got a postcard from John Zorn saying he liked my first solo CD Subterranea.  That was pretty memorable. *** SAMMY MIAMI (Shööt The Möön); Sammy, God gave rock ’n’ roll to you! If I can do it, so can you. Keep going, keep playing. Best of Luck!  ~Paul Stanley  *** STEVE (My Own Worst Enemy): In high school I wrote to DJ Carter Alan at WBCN and thanked him for turning me onto the new sounds of U2 and The Alarm, and to complain about how no other kids at school understood my weird taste in new and punk music. He wrote back, told me to ignore the masses, to remain true to being an individual, and to be on the lookout for his favorite new band, Big Country. *** DAVID KIRKDORFFER (UNDO): Back in the ’90s the band I was in at the time, Little A, recorded a version of the Massachusetts state song for a compilation CD.  We sent a copy of the song to William Weld, then governor of Massachusetts.  He wrote back: “Your group is as creative and witty as it is gallant and refreshing.”  We got a kick out of that. *** LISA CONNOLLY (Corolla DeVille): My rejection letter from Berklee College of Music.  It definitely changed my direction for music education. Ultimately I learned everything I needed to know right here from scratch. So many Boston bands have been my teachers.  It just took me 30 years to get my degree and a job in my field. *** JAY MARTORANO (The Time Beings): I received a letter from the late and great Greg Shaw of Bomp!/Voxx records. When we were still rehearsing in my bedroom back in ’81, we sent Greg a demo cassette saying, “Greg, you’re our only hope.” We flipped out when we got a letter back from him saying he really liked us and to keep sending him tapes—basement quality or whatever, a lot of bands got their start on Bomp that way. To us it was like a letter from Brian Epstein! We eventually made it onto Voxx’s Beast From the East compilation of East Coast garage revival bands. *** TODD HARRIS (18 Wheels Of Justice): The most memorable letter I’ve ever received? That’s an easy one to answer. The “you are approved for Massachusetts unemployment benefits” letter—it was cause for celebration. That goes for the rest of the members in 18 Wheels too. We’ve ALL received that letter! Lolita: I feel so stupid. I totally misunderstood what kind of letter you meant. But now that I’ve got it, one of my high school football boyfriends received a big letter that he asked me to sew on his sweater. It was very memorable. Rita: Why, was that TOM BRADY? Lolita: No, it was memorable because I told Jimmy Finklestein that I wasn’t his fuckin’ slave and that he should fuckin’ sew on his own fuckin’ letter!  We broke up and I started dating the ultra cool lead guitarist of the NEW ORIGINALS. If any of our readers can name this guitarist and the famous band he later played for, I’ll dig up a very special reward.

CLUBLAND

Rita: While Lolita comes up with her new original award, I’ll fill you in on the best shows coming up before it’s time to hang a new calendar. The End War Now DVD release party rocks the Abbey Lounge on Saturday, 12/8, with THE LIZ BORDEN BAND leading the celebration. *** BROTHER CLEVE spins at Zuzu on Sunday, 12/9. *** On Wednesday, 12/12, ROADSAW comes out of hiding to play Great Scott. *** CHANDLER TRAVIS holds his 4th annual Boston Christmas Cavalcade For the Homeless at Johnny D’s on Thursday, 12/13—RAMONA SILVER and WILLIE ALEXANDER top the special guests. *** MR. LIF hip hops over to the Middle East Downstairs on Friday, 12/14. *** THE BOSTON BABYDOLLS return to the Coolidge Corner Theatre on Saturday, 12/15, at midnight with a winter-themed show entitled Brrrrlesque. *** THE PILLS are back with a show at T.T.’s, on Friday, 12/21. *** Same night TRISTAN DA CUNHA gathers at PA’s Lounge. *** The Noise holds its Holiday Occupation Party at the Cantab on Saturday, 12/22, with the ANDREA GILLIS BAND headlining. *** THE ALLSTONIANS bring the party to the Middle East on Friday, 12/28. *** Mardi Gras comes early next year—Our two favorite events are Club Bohemia’s at Ryles (212 Hampshire St. in Inman Square, Cambridge) on Friday, 2/1, and Shaun & Suzi’s on Saturday, 2/2, at T.T.’s. Rita: Enjoy the holidays! Lolita: We’ll be back in February.