APRIL IS FOR FOOLS

Lolita: Hey, Linda—you look terrific, darling. Tell me what is the best April Fool’s joke you’ve ever heard or experienced? LINDA VIENS (Angeline): I have wonderful memories of creating a completely “foolish” dinner with my mom and sibs for my dad on April Fool’s Day: cat food meat loaf, soap bubble mashed potatoes, grass spinach, and being SO excited to watch his reaction as he “dug in” to his delicious meal. Too funny! Lolita: How long did it take for your dad to realize it was a joke meal? Linda: Heehee... oh you know... I’m pretty sure he played along for QUITE a while. *** ZAC TAYLOR (…& the Drugs/ Three Day Threshold): April 1, 1996, my mother was driving my brother and I to school listening to 99X, our alternative rock station in Atlanta at the time. Everyone’s favorite morning show DJs had apparently been fired for gross misconduct, and the new DJs were refusing to play Nirvana because of Kurt and Courtney’s drug use. Everyone in the city was livid. In reality, our beloved DJs had swapped places with the April Fool’s DJs in Austin, TX, and were at that moment duping their audience with the same scoop. A glorious prank, indeed. *** DAVE TREE (SuperPower/ Drugwar/ Tree ): April Fool’s Day is an ancient pagan Irish holiday of fertility. My grandparents were married on that day in Ireland. To get married on that day is to bless your new union with children. My mom insisted on getting married on the same day despite my dad’s efforts to persuade her on another day. It was tradition. 8 and a half months later I was the first born child to their union, so in a sense I was the joke on them. Thanks Mom I love you! *** TOMMY TULIP (Anomopoly/ Nate Wilson Group): On April 1, 1965, it was reported that the Danish government was ordering all dogs in the country to be painted white to increase road safety and dog visibility at night. I do that to my dogs anyway. *** CORIN ASHLEY (Corin Ashley & His Traveling Band): It’s no joke, but my favorite April Fool will always be Ronnie Lane, bass player for the Faces, born on April 1st. He was a criminally underrated talent who died way too young. *** CHUCK U. ROSINA (WMBR / WMFO): April Fool’s joke. Ha. I grew up Catholic. But I reformed... I got over it. In fact, I despise the Catholic church today, and am on a personal crusade (if I may use that word) to bring it down. I know I can’t do this alone, but I throw my stones against the evil empire. To that aim, I created an annual radio show: The April Fool’s Crucifixion. The show really works best when April Fool’s and Good Friday are on the same day. That happened twice in recent decades. I manage to get phone calls from non-reformed Catholics who find the show offensive. I tell them it’s an April Fool’s joke. *** NOLAN SULLIVAN (ITtheverb): One of my favorite April fools joke of all time was laying down saran wrap on the toilets. Ex-Lax in an unsuspecting victim’s beverage never hurt but that can get messy quick. I’ve heard about cups of water above doors for a lighthearted gag, but turning your high school into a swimming pool always sounded like a blast. *** BRENDAN HOGAN (Brendan Hogan): When I was in kindergarten, my witch of a teacher, Mrs. B., fed me a wax cracker under my assumption that it was a real snack. I loved crackers. She laughed in my face as I bit into it and spit it out. It was my introduction to April Fool’s Day, and I will never forgive her for it! (I still love crackers, and my distaste for authority figures continues to, uh, wax.) *** PJ ASPESI (Three Day Threshold): One year I thought I would play a funny joke on my girlfriend. The plan was to make her breakfast in bed, be super sweet, then drop a bombshell and break up with her. So I made my famous pancakes, brought her juice and flowers, waited till she was content, then broke the news. She yelled, cried, and left. Now I had a quiet day to myself to play video games and be lazy. Thing is I passed out on the couch and forgot to call her back to say “April Fool’s.” Oh well, I hear she has a few kids now. Lolita: Wow PJ, I guess the joke backfired on you.

MUSIC NEWS

Rita: Okay, I promise that none of the news I will report will fall under an April Fool’s joke… SEXCOFFEE was awarded the 2009 Limelight Magazine Live Act of the Year. *** Ultrasonic Rock Orchestra’s ALAN WARE has a niece, SIOBHAN MAGNUS, who’s made it to the top 12 (as of this writing) in the latest American Idol. *** What has NICK BLAKEY been up to since his illness forced him to stop booking Church and playing in bands? He’s become THE NIGHT RIDAH every Saturday night from 8:00 to 10:00 on WECB (Emerson College). Stream it at http://wecb.emerson.edu/ or tune into 640 AM. *** ELI “PAPERBOY” REED made his way onto DARYL HALL’s online live show (episode 27). The show’s called Live from Daryl’s House and that’s exactly what it is. *** MISSION HILL played a month long residency at the Hard Rock Café. Lolita: Is that really newsworthy? Rita: Well, when the Hard Rock Café is located in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, it is. *** In March RICK PISANO was chosen to be the featured artist of the week on the international site ReverbNation. Lolita: Come to think of it, all websites have international readerships. *** WALTER SICKERT & THE ARMY OF TOYS have recorded their upcoming CD (28 Seeds: The Last Radio Show) with strings connected to tin cans in a wire forest. *** HAVE NOTS inked a deal with Paper and Plastick Records (founded by VINNIE FIORELLO of Less Than Jake and Fueled By Ramen Records)—expect a CD this summer. *** CORIN ASHLEY saw Yoko play in Brooklyn in February. Klaus Voorman played on a few songs with her. Corin got Klaus to sign the pickguard on his Hofner bass for some good Hamburg mojo. *** Quiet Desparation, YouTube’s most entertaining sitcom about the Allston art scene, is better than ever with episode 19. CHIPPAH gets banned from the Noise Board so he starts his own super duper message board. *** BEN FOWLIE (Camden International Film Festival/ Constants) has taken over as entertainment coordinator for Bella Luna Restaurant and the Milky Way Lounge. *** LEADERS LED of North Andover, MA, won the NCN ’10 Rompetition at the Middle East beating out six other New England bands. *** EXTREME is releasing their Take Us Alive live CD and DVD on Frontiers Records on April 23 in Europe and May 4 in the States. *** In Miami, SHEA ROSE did a photo shoot for CoverGirl makeup and recorded with producers COOL and DRE. *** VAGIANT has changed their name to TIJUANNA SWEETHEART—they must be getting serious about their promotion. *** Transit Music Group signed the hard rock/ metal act MINDSET X from New Hampshire. *** THEA HOPKINS’ song, “Jesus Is On the Wire” is included on the recently released Peter, Paul & Mary CD, The Prague Sessions. All the songs were recorded with the Czech National Symphony Orchestra. *** SETH GLIER, a 21 year-old singer/songwriter, partnered his last tour with the Coats For Kids Foundation to raise awareness for the organization and collect gently used coats, hats, gloves and scarves for local school systems. Seth will be returning to Club Passim on Tuesday, 4/6. Lolita: I hope Seth’s next tour helps collect bathing suits because I can’t wait to get into mine.

IMPORTANT DATES

Rita: Lolita, I know a few fellas who’d be interested in getting into your bathing suit. Lolita: That reminds me of March 4^th, 1982. Okay, I was guilty too. Peter, do you have a date and event you would like everyone to know? PETER C. JOHNSON (Peter C. Johnson): On December 18, 1970 (my 25th birthday), I opened for J. Geils and Van Morrison at Symphony Hall in Boston. It was a perfect day. *** KEVIN RHEAULT (Double Nines): Friday, May 19, 2006 5:45 pm. This is the date and time that I was hit by a car while riding my bicycle and sustained a fractured skull. After spending three days in the hospital and then the next few months recovering I realized I needed to get back into the music world I was involved with when I was younger. Now I play in a band (Double Nines) and it’s the best band I’ve ever been in! *** JIM SULLIVAN (Boston Herald/ Phoenix/ jimsullivanink.com): October 1, 1967. The Red Sox beat the Twins for the second game in a row to win the AL pennant and me and my parents were there, right field grandstand. When the fans rushed the field—it was not yet a stupid sports cliché, but unbridled joy—I looked at my folks and they gave me the nod of approval. I ran on the field, whooped, hollered, gathered souvenir infield dirt and grass, stood on the mound. Happiest day of childhood life. *** BRIAN FLYNN (the Mayflys): On August 11^th, 2006, Hilary Swank appeared in Vanity Fair magazine and a man needed some time alone. Three years later the MayFlys record “Why Can’t You Be More Like Hilary Swank?” and the man wonders why he is still alone. You set the bar too high, Hilary. *** SAMMY MIAMI (Houndstone): Lonesome Dave Peverett was born on April 16, 1943. I was born on the same day, thirty years later. What’s the big deal? Dave and Foghat have always been a huge influence on me, even before I knew this. I think it’s really cool that I share my birthday with my idol. Dave passed in 2000 and I’ve since become friends with his family. They’re very supportive of my music and I’m honored to have such a connection. Lolita: You’re a very respectful guy. I like you for that. Sammy: With that being said, thank you for continuing to include me in the publication, this too is an honor I greatly appreciate. Lolita: Wow, a very respectful guy.

YOU’RE THE PRESIDENT

Rita: While Lolita tries a new technique in picking up men, I’ll try another question. A lot of American citizens are upset that failing corporations got bailed out with taxpayer’s money, only to see that money then be rewarded to those same corporate heads in the form of bonuses. You’ve just been elected our president—what are you going to do about the situation? TIM MUNGENAST (Tim Mungenast & His Preexisting Conditions): I’d tell the so-called bankers, “Because you cretins have ruined capitalism, you are hereby sentenced to go back in time and live as a communist in the Soviet Union, waiting in line for toilet paper before being sent to a reeducation camp where there is none.” *** STEVEN HAIDAICHUK (Mindset X): As president of the United States I would implement the following change in response to the corporation bail outs: On April 1st of every calendar year, all employees of corporations who received bail-out money will be required to watch a full day of repeat episodes of Dora the Explorer, which has been said to improve social and problem solving skills. Because, in the end, only children know what’s best for the society. Swiper, no swiping. *** RICK BERLIN (self): Don’t think I’d have the tenacity or the patience to run this insane country. And ya can’t steamroller (dictatorship). I guess all I’d do would be to hold their noses to the toilet (BAD dog) through the media until they wise up or vomit into their stuffed shirts. I don’t understand greed (Mr. Gheko). Maybe because I’ve never experienced “too much” enough to want more. F**k it—shove their feet in cement and drop ’em in the tank. *** PRINCE BENNY (Girlfriends): Rock-a-rock-a-rock-a non-stop tonight uh-huh at the government center. Make the secretaries feel better when they’re putting all those stamps on the letters. *** SIMON RITT (the Darlings): Well, If I were president then I like to think that I’d treat those corporate villains much the same way that former President George W. Bush treated the terrorists... less blah, blah, blah—more torture. *** PETER MOORE (Count Zero): No bonuses should be available to these people in cash, all tied to company stock. That’s the least we can ask for. Truly, we need to instigate a progressive salary tax on anyone making over, say, $2m a year in either salary, bonus, or stock options. They are robber barons, and their wealth is obscene. *** MICHAEL BLOOM (Tim Mungenast & his Pre-Existing Conditions): If I were in Obama’s shoes, I’d unleash Attorney General Holder. It’s known that there was systematic fraud in the subprime mortgage market, and now it looks like accounting fraud at Lehman, and God knows where else. Somehow none of the financial class have had to do perp walks yet, and until that happens, the American people will believe that, as Dick Durbin says, “they own the place.” *** PETE CASSANI (The Peasants/ Beefy DC): I would make income tax progressive in the U.S.. The more you make, the more we take. I’d go back to the tax rate of FDR who said when wealthy people cry poverty, just laugh at them. They benefit most from this country so they should pay more too. I’d also make all charters to corporations subject to a five-year review. If a corporation were detrimental to the people, their charter would be revoked and the corporation dismantled so a company like ExxonMobil would be encouraged not to spill oil all over the world. If they did, after five years their charter would be revoked. Same with health insurance companies who refused to pay for people who got sick under their policies. Same with drug companies that rushed untested drugs to market, etc. Rita: Our true enemy is the corporate giants. They control our politics, our food sources, our health care, our financial stability, our military involvement, and probably our minds. We must stick together to override their power.

ALL GOING OUT TOGETHER

Lolita: Well, we’re all goin’ out together anyway, SEA MONSTERS are in residency at Precinct every Sunday 10pm in April. *** BLACK FORTRESS OF OPIUM plays T.T. the Bear’s on Sunday, 4/4. *** We’ve got a three-day weekend event starting on Thursday 4/8 that is a tribute/benefit for the late RAY NEADES at Church. Highlights over the weekend include THE NEIGHBORHOODS, MUCK & THE MIRES, and THE RUDDS. *** At the Middle East Downstairs, Team Shred presents DIRTY FEVER on Friday, 4/9. *** BLEU returns to town to play T.T. the Bear’s on Saturday, 4/10. *** Same night DJ MÄTHEW GRIFFIN will be DJ-ing an all-ages show with SPINDLE SHANKS at Club Hell in Providence. *** On Sunday, 4/11, try Between Rock & An Art Space with a dozen local artist plastering the walls of Church while ASA BREBNER & FIENDS entertain. *** The CD release party for Across Their Universe—Low Budget Records Does the Songs of the Beatles is at Johnny D’s on Tuesday, 4/13. *** BRETT MILANO is on the hot end of a roast on Saturday, 4/17, at the Magic Room—FRANK ROWE (solo) and THE CLASSIC RUINS are on board for the music section of the roast. *** CONFRONT releases their new CD at the Middle East on Friday, 4/23. *** Into ’80s hair metal—go to Uncle Eddies to hear 80MPH. *** On Monday, 4/26, MIKE FIORE (Faces on Film) entertains at Zuzu. *** On Thursday 4/29, the staged finals of the 32^nd annual WBCN Rumble will be held at Great Scott. HUMANWINE will win. They already paid off the judges. *** The reunion of the mid-’80s Allston club Johnny D’s will have lots of your favorite old bands including MOOSE & THE MUDBUGS. It’s being held at Church on Saturday, 5/1. *** Same date PARANOID SOCIAL CLUB hits the Portland City Music Hall.

Lolita: Now that spring is here, it’s time to get out of the house! Rita: See you in the clubs!