5 YEARS AGO

April 2005    Issue #250

Cover: Rocket Science, the Cyanide Valentine, Gobshites, Baby Boy H, Clickers, Night Rally, New Findings in the Colonoscopy Controversy

Bands: UV Protection (I miss those strange arty operatic gals), the Bags, Dear Leader, Willie Alexander & the Boom Boom Band, Moki

Gossip & Stuff: I forgot how controversial my colonoscopy photos were. I know Rita and I made a big stink about the photos—we knew it was our duty to flush out the stinkin’ truth. Okay, so you found one photo that appeared to have my head in it. I don’t think it really proved anything. *** We asked bands what was their biggest selling point, and Amanda Palmer (Dresden Dolls) admitted it was her crotch light, her hairy armpits, and her beer gut. She continued that her cross-dressing pussy-whipped drummer came in a close second. *** Lenny Lashley (Darkbuster) says his band still gets gigs because of the amount of beer sales the club piles up with all the beer throwing by their fans. *** Lyres’ big draw is that they don’t use the word “the” before their name… so professes Jeff Conolly. I think you mean Pokemonojeff. Right. How could I get that wrong? *** Just five years ago the Classic Ruins released an album on vinyl only. *** More band selling points: Rick Berlin believes it’s his elderly farting homosexual factor. He claims it to be a big plus out there in the teen market. *** Lorenzo of Doctor Frog insists that his band’s biggest selling point is that they are simply better than any other band. Doctor who? *** This is the issue that Lexi Kahn wrote me a most nasty letter in Klingon. Oh, you can read Klingon? Well, the syllables sounded really nasty. I think she was actually complimenting the ridges on your mother’s forehead.

10 YEARS AGO

April 2000    Issue #200

Cover: Alloy Orchestra, the Damn Personals, Quick Fix

Bands: The Pills, Burning Sensations, Three Day Threshold, Scissorfight, Reverse, Asa Brebner, the Syphlloids (their ads in the Noise were so sexual, you could smell them), Star Ghost Dog, Ms. Pigeon, Heidi, Incus, Girl on Top, the Buckners, the Operators, Freezepop (the only band to successfully steal Lawrence Welk’s idea of mixing bubbles with music)

Gossip & Stuff: Noise writers get a radio show on radioboston.com and find out how much effort is put into doing a local radio show. *** Chandler Travis is stricken with mallet finger and has to wear a sling for six to eight weeks. Is that mallet like a hammer or did a duck bite him? It’s a Mallard duck so he must have whacked himself trying to hang one of Asa Brebner’s paintings. *** Wow, five years later and Lexi Kahn is still insulting you, Lolita. What did you ever do to her? It’s a long story that involves her famous brother Michael Lombardi (Rescue Me) who carried me out of a fire and saved my life. You mean Michael really is a firefighter? No, you see some guys think I’m so hot, I kinda start a fire. Are you sure you aren’t mixing this up with the flaming bag of turds that was left on your doorstep? *** Corin Ashley picks up an endorsement for hollow body Epiphone basses. Does that mean he could get as many basses as he wanted for free? Well, let’s stop everything and ask Corin… Corin: I basically got one free bass. It was an Epiphone Rivoli and I had to send them press from Spain that featured me using it. Only thing was, it wasn't as good as an old ’60s Rivoli, kind of a cheap knock-off. I paid for the Epiphone Casino I've gotten since then.

15 YEARS AGO

April 1995    Issue #149

Cover: The Upper Crust, One of Us (yes, that’s the same John Eye who is on the cover of the current issue)

Bands: Birdsongs of the Mesozoic, DMZ, Incredible Casuals, Slide, Dirt Merchants, Swank, Rattle Heater, Women of Sodom, Epileptic Disco (some people were very upset about this band’s name), the Keith Bownice Experience (I remember something about a drummer getting punched out during a show at Club Bohemia)

Gossip & Stuff: The Upper Crust performs on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. That has to be one of the best TV live performances by a local band. The guys even got to chat with Conan over at his desk—and of course they stayed in character. *** Jennifer Trynin signs with Warner Brothers and lets us know that she still deals with feeling like crap at least once a day. *** A handful of great bands are just getting started—the Pills, Poundcake, Trona, Jocobono, and the Goblins. *** Beloved and respected long-time doorman of the Rat, Mitch Cerul, dies of cancer on 3/21/95. *** Ken Field takes up a full paragraph with just listing the four bands he’s in—Birdsongs of the Mesozoic, Willie Alexander’s Persistence of Memory Orchestra, Crown Electric Company, and Revolutionary Snake Ensemble. All four bands are amazingly different from each other—and all great. *** My sci-fi performance art band, the Borg, with my son, Izzy, gets a live review and I’m reminded that we covered the theme from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Yeah, and I remember you giving out of licorice and CDs while chanting “Lick the licorice, kiss the swizzle stick.”

20 YEARS AGO

April 1990    Issue #94

Cover: Moving Targets (I remember visiting Kenny Chambers up in Ipswich back then and playing tennis with him), Stormwindow, Bonnie Bouley

Bands: GG Allin, the Neighborhoods, Slaughter Shack, Gigolo Aunts, Tribe, the Exi’s, the Varmints, the Stompers (who knew you’d be playing with Sal Baglio 20 years later?), Grand Theft Auto, the Slaves, Ex-Girlfriends, 2,000,000 B.C., Scatterfield, Gingerbread Men, the Brood, the Void, Randy Black, Dreams Made Flesh

Gossip & Stuff: Hey, this is the issue where I predict the winner of the Rumble—Slaughter Shack! *** Steven Fredette comes down with cat scratch fever while on tour with Scruffy the Cat. I remember seeing him destroy a vintage guitar downstairs at the Middle East in an amazing performance. *** The Herald accidentally reports that Joe Walsh is playing Green Street Station (it was actually the local band called Joe). A pissed off fan of Joe Walsh’s decided to punch owner Doug Mellon. Doug is a karate black belt. Need we finish the story? *** In the Beehead comic strip technology advances —the band picks up a watch that can transform into a counterfeit Hondo copy of a CBS-era Fender Strat. *** Noise critic Doug Thoms slams GG Allin’s Doctrine of Mayham, but GG proceeds to record a spoken word piece over the phone for the Bulge Psycho LP. GG never even threatened to kill Doug.