SAINT PADDY WHACK

Rita: Lolita, let’s get back to the interesting listings on your calendar. Lolita: It’s just basic stuff so I know what to wear—like March 17, the day the Irish celebrate Saint Paddy’s Day—I know to wear a short pleated skirt. Rita: I thought it was a day to wear green? Lolita: Maybe it is, but the short pleated skirt gets me more attention. Rita: I think you better ask people for some St. Patrick’s Day stories. You need to learn a little more. Lolita: Okay, there’s Nick—he goes to church so much, he must be Irish. Nick, tell me a story about St. Paddy’s Day. NICK BLAKEY (The In Out/Church): When I was still working at Bauer Wines on Newbury Street, we particularly feared St. Patrick's Day owing to the sheer amount of drunkenness that began quite early in the day. One St. Patrick's Day I was not wearing any green (I don't celebrate the holiday), and a guy walked up to me at the shop and said, "Why ain't you wearin' green?" I replied, "Because I'm not Irish." To which he answered "WHAT ARE YOU… FUCKIN' RACIST?" I wasn't wearing any orange either, but he didn't pick up on that. *** LIZ BORDEN (The Liz Borden Band/The Velvets): St. Patrick's Day? Is that the day that there is an annual feast that celebrates St. Patrick, one of the patron saints of Ireland? The day where a parade goes through South Boston, people run crazy in the streets, drink green beer and get arrested? I know it well, but can't remember a single one... hmmm, maybe this year I will remember and have a story for next year! *** JOHNNY ANGEL (Thrills/Blackjacks): Thrills played a St. Paddy's Day gig in either 1980 and 1981 with The Rings at the ’Dise. I wore all orange and didn't drink—just to see what would happen, which was, of course, nothing. Once again, the blabber-mouthed local sons and daughters of Eire let me down. *** JOE COUGHLIN (The Noise): I had in impromptu party at an old Southie address, and a certain local “straight edge” rocker showed up and got completely shitfaced. *** JOHNNY STUMP (Three Day Threshold): Last year was a good St. Patrick's Day since we essentially played music all day long. During the day we played a couple of sets of Irish tunes and even that song about the unicorn at The Asgard in Central Square. After that we headed over to The Paradise to play a show that night. All in all, many pints of Guinness and lots of music makes for one hell of a great St. Paddy's day. Hey... let's do it again this year! *** JOHN SPEZIALE (John Speziale): Years ago my trio was gigging at the Ground Round in Waterbury, CT. For the St. Pat's gig I got the bright idea to play some clichéd Irish chestnuts. Halfway into a sluggish “Danny Boy,” the audience let us know it wanted no more of our bogus Irish shtick. “More Joni!” “More James Taylor!” Then some crazy drunk guy with very few teeth jumped the stage, commandeered our keyboard and led us through a bumpy yet rollicking version of The Doors’ “L. A. Woman.” It sucked, but it brought the house down. I still have those unused lyric sheets around here someplace. *** BRENDAN MURPHY (The Autumn Hollow Band): I spent one St. Paddy's Day in Las Vegas at the New York casino. Every half hour for the entire day there was a St. Paddy's Day parade that would come through the casino floor complete with midgets dressed like leprechauns banging on cymbals and singing Irish songs. After about six hours of continuous gambling and drinking, the leprechauns started to freak me out and I ended up losing my concentration on the roulette table and losing all my money. Lolita: Yeah, blame it on the leprechauns. *** AARON GUZIK (Andy&me): A few years back Hot Rod Circuit (R.I.P.) had a show over St. Patty's weekend in Boulder, CO. The lass that was to be my date ended up going out with another bloke that night. The show was amazing and afterwards I found a keg of green beer—perfect for drowning my sorrows. With the penny whistle of HRC still ringing in mine ears, I arrived back at my dorm too pissed for my own good, and the green beer needed to go. My bowels Riverdanced my then green insides into the dorm floor sink and clogged it! *** SHAWN MARQUIS (Afriendinouterspace/Sgt. Maxwell's Peace Chorus): In my early Boston years I lived above a seedy Irish pub called The Shamrock in Brighton Center. St. Paddy's Day was never a holiday that I looked forward to. The entire day would be set to a soundtrack of drunken gang sing-alongs of “Born in the USA” and “Hotel California,” occasionally punctuated by a poor lad's retching stomach. Venturing outside was like walking on to the set of Night of the LivingDead…weaving your way through the sea of fellow Brightonians zombified by strong drink, while keeping a keen eye to the ground. *** ERIN HARPE (Lovewhip/ Erin Harpe): About 1,001 guys yelling “Erin go bragh-LESS” at me! Happens every year! ***BOB BEAUMONT (Guns of Navarone): I have been to probably three or four years of The Dropkick Murphys at Avalon. As I age and sober up I have come to see things in a different light than I have in the past. I respect The Dropkick Murphys and own of half a dozen of their recordings. However, the general vibe of these St. Patrick’s Day shows does not leave me with a good feeling. Drunken frat-boys and tough-guy skinheads seem to have overrun the occasion. I do not enjoy being shoved around by drunkards with no concept of common courtesy. Nor do I enjoy seeing young women being groped by disrespectful brutes. This sort of behavior is what many kids wanted to disassociate themselves from when they got involved with punk. Perhaps this is not an interesting St. Patrick’s Day story but it is a social commentary on what unfortunately exists. Let's evolve, shall we? Lolita: I agree. I’m ready to revolve—just give me a spin. Rita: Bob said, “evolve” not “revolve.” Lolita: That’s just like you, Rita, to think the world revolves around you. Other people have their own ideas—you’re not right all the time.