MOTHERS’ DAY
            Lolita: Edrie, what is it with those fantastic eye-thingiemagigs? EDRIE (Walter Sickert & the Army of Broken Toys): I made these feathered lashes from hand-dyed pink feathers. Then affixed them to my visage with a secret concoction of spirit gum, black bear secretions, and human spit. They are based on a design commonly worn by Clara Bow, whose sultry looks I aspire to. She had to use her eyes to communicate plots in silent films. Someday I hope you ask me about my frilly undies—which I also make by hand. Lolita: Yes, I’m very interested in them, but I’m supposed to ask you about your mom. Tell me something about her. EDRIE: My mother was the first person I ever saw dance on a bar. She was Coyote Ugly before those girls were out of diapers and she can still out stomp, out-dance, and out-shoot the best of ’em. *** PREACHER JACK (Preacher Jack): Lady Esther (as I call my dear mother) was born on Easter Day 91 years ago this past Easter. Lady Esther is a remarkable woman, she now lives 2000 miles away in Santa Cruz California in an assisted living facility but still manages to this very day to chastise me if she feels I am being lazy or unproductive! As a singer, mom was a second place finisher on the Major Bowes Talent Contest radio show in 1939 (which was a national contest), I attribute all my God-given talent to this wonderful lady whose wisdom (and at times financial support) I STILL seek out as often as possible. God bless you, Mother. *** ANNA PRICE (The Silver Lining): My mom is an extremely bright, intuitive, and creative person. She was a professional actress who studied at the London Central School of Drama and later became a psychiatric nurse.  She now has her own holistic health practice and is a successful counselor and businesswoman. My dad died when I was 12 and my mom essentially raised us four kids by herself.  She is a very strong person who in many ways I look up to and I love her dearly. *** JOE COUGHLIN (The Noise): She was the best. A talented painter and pianist.  Highly susceptible to all paranormal activity, she once successfully predicted the ending scores of all Bruins’ games for an entire season. We saw UFOs together twice (later verified by a government worker who’d been assigned to the incidents). Sang in an Andrews Sisters-type act with my two aunts, managed by Don Costa, who went on to work with Frank Sinatra. Also very impulsive, she once bid $500 on a pair of Rudolf Nureyev’s ballet slippers during the Channel 2 auction (she lost). And my birthday is May 11. Miss you, Marie. *** KIER BYRNES (Three Day Threshold): Last Christmas we had to bail my mom out of jail. It wasn’t pretty but the holidays just didn’t seem right without her.  So much so, actually, that I had to write a song about it. *** MICHAEL BLOOM (Sgt. Maxwell’s Peace Chorus): Good news for this Mother’s Day, my mom’s in remission. *** AJDA THE TURKISH QUEEN (Black Fortress of Opium): My mother, Belma Arlsantas Snyder (RIP), who passed on New Year’s Eve 2006, was a very virtuous woman.  She was an excellent old world mama, and a patient, tolerant wife.  I miss her dearly, but she is with me in a new way. *** JON MACEY (Fox Pass/ Urban Caravan): Thankfully, my mother is still alive. She is a highly intelligent, but an existentially frustrated person, being of the generation where woman had few options outside of motherhood. She also deserves an award for surviving my teenage and early adult years. *** SAMMY MIAMI (Shööt The Möön): My mom worked at the Rat. She was the first female bar back to sling cases in 1975. She snuck her under-aged brother Alan into the bar to see Thundertrain perform live. His buddy Dave saw Thundertrain too and they were both so inspired, they started their own band called O-Positive. So yeah, my mom rocks! Lolita: Yeah, I was there. I remember trying to wrestle my boyfriend away from that female bar back. Those beer-carrying muscles were too much for my feminine physique and had to give him up. So I hooked up with MACH BELL (Thundertain) that night.

NEWS
Rita: Where has that Mach Bell been lately? Lolita: After the operation on his vocal cords, Mach, at least temporarily, retired from the big stage to work with his students at putting rock shows together. Rita: Well, someone has to pass on the knowledge to the next generation. Lolita: That’s exactly what they do at the Paul Green School of Rock. Keep an eye on listing for their Black Sabath and Doors shows coming up in June that will feature all their students. *** Tired of all the court costs involved with their illegal activities, THE ILLEGALS felt it was time to go legal—so they changed their name to THE NIGHT TERRORS. Note: all their acts of terror are perfectly legal. *** APOLLO SUNSHINE’s record label, Spin Art, went out of business so the band managed to get their two albums re-released with a few bonus tracks. Apollo Sunshine now includes the tracks “U & I” and “Strange Things” and Katonah features a 20-minute video documentary about the building of the barn, the recording of the album, and the band live.  Their albums are now available overseas for the first time ever. *** The Paradise Lounge closed its doors on April 1st. It’s no April fools day joke that the place will reopen as a restaurant when renovations are complete. *** Local winners of the 2007 International Song Competition include RYAN MONTBLEAU (“If It Comes Around”), GRACE KELLY (“10”), and CARLA RYDER (“Lonesome Town”). *** On 4/7/08 KIER BYRNES (Three Day Threshold) was hanging out with VANILLA ICE. Four days later Mr. Ice was under arrest. Either Kier is a narc or he’s selling snoofer. Lolita: I doubt if he’s a narc because he seems to be under the effects of snoofer all the time. You can see it in the strange movement in his eyebrows and the way he eats as if someone was going to steal his food. And also by the snoofer he offered me when I asked, “got any snoofer?” (Legal note: snoofer is a perfectly legal substance. Kier is an upright citizen)