TEENAGER AGAIN

Rita: While Lolita continues to fail auditions at Comedy Central, I’ll ask some of my favorite people a new question—if you could be a teenager again for one day, what would you do? Of course most of these people are still teenagers so the question may be a little redundant. CARL BIANCUCCI (Classic Ruins): Prob’ly the same thing I did then—play some bass, listen to some records, eat a whole pizza without gaining a pound, pop a few zits, and, of course, beg for sex. *** JON MACEY (Fox Pass/ Urban Caravan): I would hope it was one of the days that the Velvet Underground played at the Tea Party. I would try to convince that certain someone to come along with me and hope that the music worked its hypnotic magic on her. Maybe I could go back in time with a video camera, too. *** BRADLEY JAY (WBCN): If I were going back in time to be a teenager for one day I would buy lots of clothes and guitars at low teenage prices and bring ’em back to the present with me. *** ANDY MILK (The Vital Might): If I were a teenager, I’d go back and do pretty much the same thing as I did as a teenager.  I’d go work in an ice cream store in the summer and flirt with my college girl co-workers.  I’d probably not worry about college quite as much as I did.  But college girls?  Yes. *** ERIC WELSH (ChillHouse Studios): Hammer back cans of Budweiser with friends and chicks on a Saturday night while watching the Headbangers Ball! *** TIM MUNGENAST (... & His Preexisting Conditions): If I were a teenager again, I’d consume less, listen more, and really think before I said or did ANYTHING. This would reduce my Napoleon Dynamite moments. Also, I wouldn't take any shit from the “normals.” *** BOB BEAUMONT (Guns of Navarone): A perfect teenage day would start with skateboarding around Worcester on my old Alva Chris Cook board maybe on paved banks or halfpipe. Then go to band practice in someone’s basement playing either Misfit covers or originals that we tried to make sound like Misfit songs. Then maybe take the bus to a girlfriend’s house for some romance. Then a perfect day would end with an all ages punk-hardcore show at the Quinsigamond Village Community Center to see bands like Psycho, the Creeps, Angry Kids, the Clock or even other touring teens like Screeching Weasel or NOFX. *** CHUCK U. ROSINA (WMBR/ WMFO): If I were a teenager for one day, I’d run a marathon, slide into home taking out the catcher with the winning run in a softball game, do chin-ups and pull-ups, and other jock stuff that my aging body does not allow me to do anymore. (I still run... slowly circa five miles, and play softball, but no sliding). *** IAN McCARTHY (Conservative Man): I’d quit music, and maybe leave my room once in a while. *** WOODY GIESSMANN (Right Turn): If I were a teenager for one day I would walk up to George W. Bush to tell him he is an idiot and kick his ass—I would probably do hard time as an adult. I don’t think teenagers are given hard jail time for assault. He is a pompous jerk. Let’s impeach his ass! Rita: Woody, it sounds like you’re answering two of our questions at the same time. Does that make Woody bilingual? Lolita: I don’t know if he’s bi—but he’s really good at that cunnilingual stuff.