ONLINE-ONLY
JUST FOR MARCH

Rita: Welcome to our annual March online-only issue. It’s a great time of year to jumpstart the old computer head over to thenoise-boston.com and read about the starving artists who continue to entertain you under the most grueling situations. Lolita: I’m so excited about how exhilarating this winter has been. I don’t think I’ve ever done this much shoveling, and it’s the first time I’ve ever had to scrape ice, six inches thick, off a roof. Rita: Why didn’t you get your boyfriend to do that? Lolita: Well, he had a gig and then he was tired and then he was hungry and then he wanted more of you know what. Rita: Wouldn’t it be fun to have a Mr. Fixit boyfriend who does all the work that you have no idea how to do? My bedroom phone jack hasn’t been operating for a couple of months. I wish someone would just come over and hook me up. Lolita: Maybe you need to invent a bio-mechanical boyfriend who can be programmed to fill your needs. Rita: I think this item would sell. Let’s see if our friends have any ideas for other inventions. Lolita: Good idea, I think I’ll email them so I don’t have to stand on the corner of Mark Sandman Square freezing my butt off. HEY LOOK. THE CAPS KEY IS STUCK. CAN WE GET SOMEONE TO FIX THIS? T MAX: WHAT’S THE PROblem? It wasn’t broken. Lolita: Maybe you should stick around and help us more. Do you have any email addresses I COULD USE TO ASK THE QUESTION OF THE MONTH—OH LOOK, THE CAPS KEY IS STUCK AGAIN. T MAX: YOU JUST HAVE TO hit it again and it fixes itself. Lolita: Okay. Can you stand there and hit it when it gets stuck? Where’s Joel’s email? I heard he like Peeps. He’s such a nice man. There we go… email sent. Now just sit back and wait to hear what inventions are on the minds of our friendly rockers.