I’D NEVER DO THAT NOW

Rita: Lolita, enough about that worm—you’re going to give Kier a big head. Now, Robby—come over here and tell me something you did as a kid that you would never do now. ROBBY ROADSTEAMER (Super Time Pilot) I was 12 going on 13 the first time I saw a dead human being. It happened in the summer of 1989—a long time ago, but only if you measure in terms of years. I was living in a small town in Oregon called Castle Rock. There were only twelve hundred and eighty-one people. But to me, it was the whole world. Lolita: So, I’m not sure what you would never do now—look at a dead body? Live in Castle Rock? Consider Castle Rock the whole world? *** ERIC SCHMIDER (Mollycoddle): Never again will I sit on a suburban curb under the Albuquerque sun masticating Ruffles potato chips, spitting them back onto a fresh chip, and eating it again, as if it were some sophisticated adult party dip, while peeing in my Wrangler jeans. I was so young and free. *** SLIMEDOG (the Noise): I guess I didn’t get around much before kindergarten ’cause I’d never seen a men’s urinal and I had to take a shit so I thought you did it in that so that what I did. I was smart enough not to volunteer the answer when the teacher asked who had done that. Since high school, at least, I don’t do that anymore. *** DAVE WESTNER (Tori Pyne): Have sex with a bunch of priests. *** NICOLE TAMMARO (Nicole Tammaro Photography): As a kid I threw rocks through St. Ann’s (Somerville) Church windows. An older kid told me what we were doing was okay, ’cause it wasn’t our school. I have never even since thrown stones at the Catholic Church. *** SHAUN WOLF WORTIS (Gato Malo): My friend Dicky and I once found a trove of old Coke bottles in his father’s garage, a tank of gasoline next to that, and finally, a bag of rags. We created our own molotov cocktails, which we hung from our belts while stalking though the woods playing “bomb the German city.” This is something I would never do now. I’m sort of amazed I survived my childhood sometimes. *** LINDA VIENS (Angeline): When I was in 5th and 6th grade I used to shoplift from department stores downtown, little things, jewelry, lipsticks... In 6th grade I got caught and tried to blame it on one of the “bad girls” I was hanging around with. I was held in the basement for hours and terrorized by the security staff until my parents came to get me. It was humiliating and shameful, and blessedly I learned my lesson and never did it again! *** IAN KENNEDY (Reverse): Eating my own boogers has to be right at the top of the list. *** BRENDA BURKE (Tara White): I can think of lots of unwholesome activities that fall under the categories of petty vandalism, shoplifting, and general mischief. In my very early teens, a group of two to three kids would show up every so often at the parking lot of the greasy spoon down the street from my house in Holbrook. Then one of us would open up the front door and we would all scream the most bizarre obscenities at the top of our lungs. We were never caught or chased though. It helps having an innocent looking face. *** CLAY N. FERNO (Wild Zero): Locals may remember the quarry in Quincy. In my youth, we used to jump off the top of that frakkin’ thing into the water! What were we thinking?! *** MIKE PIEHL (Reverse/ Tim Gearan): Shit my pants. *** SCOTT MATALON (Monolith): I forced my mom to make me an Oscar the Grouch sandwich like I saw on Sesame Street with PBJ, cheese, mayo, mustard, ham, salami, etc., all piled on a large sliced sour pickle instead of bread... and I was so damn stubborn I ate the whole thing! *** PEZ (the Luxury): One time when I was about three, I drank a cup full of kerosene that was supposed to be for the heater in my dad’s garage. That landed me in the hospital for a couple days. I probably wouldn’t do that again, although the experience hasn’t kept me away from the bourbon or the Tabasco sauce. *** HENRY SANTORO (WFNX): There were railroad tracks near where I grew up (in Norwood), and my friends and I would be able tuck ourselves between the railroad ties that were on a bridge in our neighborhood. We would crouch there and wait for the train to come—and when it did—what a rush. I would not do that anymore. *** WALTER SICKERT (…& the Army of Broken Toys): When I was five I was obsessed with magic potions and was convinced they where hidden under the kitchen sink. So I waited for the right moment when no one was watching, got on my knees and perused the selection. There was Ajax and Drano but those containers were ugly so I looked on and there it was, a beautiful blue bottle with stars on it! So I drank at least half of it before I was interrupted by mother screaming, “Don’t drink bubble juice!” And all of a sudden I grew a curly moustache and the rest is history. *** MATT J (the Bynars): My best friend Kevin and I used to go outside with Super Soakers and spray bees’ nests with scalding hot water. I would never do that now because I found out the hard way that I’m allergic to bees. Now I have an EpiPen. *** TIM MUNGENAST (Tim Mungenast & His Preexisting Conditions): When I was a kid, my folks would go visit their parents in St. Louis each summer. While we were in St. Lou, Dad would drive me and my sibs to the Museum of Transportation to see all the old trains. This was a huge, huge thrill for me, in spite of the omnipresent yellowjackets and dangly-legged wasps plaguing the area. They had gigantic steam locomotives, first-generation diesels (think “Silver Streak”), and weird-ass old electrics. That’s one thing that Dad and I totally had in common: we were complete railroad fanatics. *** PETER MOORE (Count Zero): Every July from when I was 11 to 15, my father took me and my older brother backpacking deep in the Wyoming wilderness. We would hike across mountains and streams for a week with ghastly freeze-dried meals, mosquito repellent, a tent to protect us from the rain and the coyotes, rocks for toilet stools, iceberg runoff for showers, and no contact whatsoever with the outside world. I would love to do it again someday. *** C. MOON MULLINS (Ultrasonic Rock Orchestra/ Damned Dirty Ape): When I was young, I was a denizen of the underground hacker frontier, a specialist of telephones. Corporate transparency and personal freedom and privacy were my childhood concerns, and in their pursuit, I became rather well known amongst both the electronic underground and a handful of federal agencies. In the process of alerting the general public to the threats against their personal privacy (including discovery, characterization, and reporting on the REMOB device), I ran afoul of a number of federal statutes. Now, being of a prosecutable age, and having found other ways to pursue my ethic, I no longer phreak. *** DARRON BURKE (Makeshift Studio/ Vac-ume-pakt Records): I used to think I was a stunt guy and I would do stuff for “training.” Somewhere in New Hampshire there’s a roll of film my friend Jeff shot. In the “movie” I’m falling off a cliff and tumbling down a hill to the Baker River. I just pitched myself over the edge like a rag doll. I figured going limp would be the thing that made it so no bones got broke... I hit the sandy bank and heard some crunching. I still don’t know what it was. *** OEDIPUS (rock bon vivant): Bumper Drag. When the roads were covered with snow, we would duck behind a car at a stop sign, grab a hold of the bumper and have the car pull us down the street as we skated low and bold on our feet. *** DAVE TREE (Superpower/ Drug War): I wouldn’t shoot fireworks at the police station. Lolita: Dave, I have to tell you that I loved you hosting the Noise’s Let’s Roast Des party! You were perfect for the part. I guess shooting fireworks at police stations is a prerequisite for hosting a roast.