By T Max and Joe Coughlin

Cover: A Scanner Darkly, Laughing Academy, Conrad Capistran
Bands: The Zulus, Barrence Whitfield & the Savages, Holy Cow, Condo Pygmies, Big Dipper, Think Tree, Green Magnet School, Boogaloo Swamis, Well Babys, who, I’m happy to say, came about from the open jam I used to run at Green Street Station, wrote “(I’m Living in an) Alcoholic Psychosis” with the Noise’s own Francis Dimenno, and later were Rumble finalists. And in the grand tradition of Larry Flynt, the singer wore an American flag diaper.
Gossip and Stuff: The band on the cover looks weird. This was a Noise first... and last: A Scanner Darkly broke up just as we were going to press and gave me no photo. Instead they submitted the weird African mask illustration. *** Drummer Jesse Mayer (now known as Jesse von Kenmore) leaves Shake the Faith and is sitting in with the Drive. No truth to the rumor that his faith was shaken. *** Christmas is looking for a bass player. *** The Slaves change their name to Masters & Slaves. Well, it beats Masters & Baiters. (Masters & Johnson might’ve had a few words about that.) *** Jeff Hudson’s new project is called Dresden Danse. Interesting... did he wear black and white striped stockings and shine a light on his crotch? No, but the Hudsons also had that “Sushi Bar” band. At the Channel once, they had Oedipus in a snazzy kimono serving up sushi to fans from the stage. *** Blood Oranges break up. *** Johnny & the Jumper Cables DO NOT break up, one could say by popular demand, and despite their original plan to only do thirteen shows and pack it in. (Insert “packing in” joke here.) At what was supposed to be that last show (opening for Yo La Tengo at T.T.’s), a huge crowd arrived just before their set, then mysteriously dispersed right afterward, confusing the fuck outta the headliners. *** Bob Weston (Volcano Suns) takes over WMBR’s Late Riser’s Club for Albert O, and breaks his nose in a bike vs. car accident. *** Albert O becomes a daddy-o. Bob Weston is not involved. Are you sure? I heard both guys suffered from the spins, if ya get my drift (oof, sorry). *** Birthdays! Stephen Fredette (Scruffy the Cat) is 10/3, Joanie Lindstrom of WMBR is 10/8, Woody Geissman (Del Fuegos) is 10/23. *** Randi Millman leaves WAAF and is booking acoustic Monday nights at T.T.’s, called Trav’lin’ Light. *** The Question of the Month, about what would you change if you could go back in time, yields an awful lot of “Man, that marriage was a mistake” answers. There are also a lot of marriage announcements in the gossip column. Wonder what would happen if you asked this question again? I’d forever hold my peace. Or maybe my piece. I’m planning to get married soon myself. I really need the rice.

Cover: Orangutang
Bands: Morphine, Curtain Society, Malachite, Flying Nuns, Jennifer Trynin Band, Dambuilders, Letters to Cleo, Pooka Stew, Mistle Thrush, Serum, Shiva Speedway, Bulkhead, Curious Ritual, BeBe Gallini, Cold Water Flat, Inhale Mary, Hank, Combustible Edison (No truth to the rumor that members of Christmas formed the band when they couldn’t find a bass player.)
Gossip and Stuff: The 13th anniversary issue begins with a question of the month that asks about the best pick-up line heard. Mark Sandman (Morphine) says, “Let’s go.” I happen to know it worked on both Rita and Lolita. *** Kay Hanley’s (Letters to Cleo) answer is even better: “Has anyone asked you the Question of the Month for the Noise yet?” *** Chandler Travis forms a band called Lester, which is intermittently called Lester Bangs. *** Rick Berlin forms Rick Berlin & the Awful Truth. *** Ex-members of Lizzie Borden & the Axes and Shades of Grey form the Syphlloids, who caused some squawking and even boycotting among local retailers for their porn-themed ads in the Noise. *** Seemingly ready to launch into new band highs, Malachite unceremoniously calls it quits. *** Clem Snide also breaks up. Note: those last two bands both came back to life. “You call this living?” *** Vision Thing wins an ASCAP grant and a mention in Billboard magazine. ASCAP gives out money to musicians?! *** Gigolo Aunts are on Conan O’Brien, but are introduced as being from Potsdam, NY, their old hometown.

Cover: Slide, Ross Phasor, Psychotic Larry, the Sugar Twins. Weren’t they one of the last bands to play the World Trade Center? I know they were the last band to let you stick your head up their skirts.
Bands: Baby Ray, Rock City Crime Wave, Cul de Sac, Babaloo, Cherry 2000, Kenne Highland Clan, Betwixt, Volition, Seventeen, Half Cocked, Canine, Laurie Geltman, Count Zero, Cheerleadr, Incredible Casuals, Duty Now for the Future, Boy Wonder, Shelley Winters Project, Chin Ho!, Mascara, the Gravel Pit, the Pills, Superhoney, the Swallows, Angry Salad, Mary Lou Lord, Calendar Girl, Papas Fritas, Ramona Silver, Roadsaw, Push Kings, Push Stars, Rustic Overtones, Sheila Divine, Señor Happy, Fly Seville, Splashdown, Tarbox Ramblers, Superzero, Lifestyle, Random Road Mother (forever in my heart for the rumor that the singer had to puke from nerves right after every show, and also for the song, “Yousuck.com”), Godboy (forever in my heart for the song, “Analingus” and having the temerity to try following Darkbuster in the Rumble prelims), Seks Bomba (forever in my heart for being totally fuckin’ pissa.)
Gossip and Stuff: Wow, the 18th anniversary issue feels so much weightier than the other three issues in this column! 1999 was a big year for heavy music. *** A new Internet radio start-up, Radioboston.com, is calling for CD submissions. Sadly, this great station didn’t last. Someone should fund a re-launch, this would probably be huge now. *** Lilli Dennison begins working with the B Side Lounge in Cambridge. Someone should write a book on all she’s done for this town. Sad enough she left Boston, but then later had to leave New Orleans after getting schmucked by Katrina. She is missed by many here. *** The Push Stars tour with Julian Lennon. *** Magonia’s song “Dust” is used in a Volkswagen commercial. *** Superzero wins a WAAF Battle of the Bands. *** Chin Ho! is sponsored by both Jagermeister and Jim Beam. Now that explains the over-exuberant exclamation point in their name. *** Jonah Jenkins, Zeph Courtney, Darryl Sheppard, and Bob Maloney form the Dead Formerly Stones. *** Ball in the House changes its name to 617. No truth to the rumor they play what’s known as “508 rock.” *** Susan Lutin (x-3 1/2 Girls) forms Box Car Betty. *** Lenny Scolletta forms the Wayoutz. *** Uncool Niece becomes the Kitty Kill. *** Despite having a pizza named after them at Bella Luna, the Johnny Black Trio call it quits. The “trio” in this case being black olives, shrimp and wild mushrooms. FACT! *** Count Zero and Little A play the Noise 18th anniversary party. I remember when the Noise turned 18. I didn’t stick my head under anyone’s skirt, or fall to my knees and kiss anyone’s thighs, like I did in other years. Sometimes it’s better to just have a blackout. If not for you, for them.

Cover: Fluttr, Robby Roadsteamer, Chris Evil & the Taints, Mark Bryant, Kirsten Malone Memorial
Bands: Neptune, Superhoney, Count Zero, Lincoln Conspiracy, Mission of Burma, UV Protection, Mittens, Kevin MacDonald Band, Will Dailey, Heidi Saperstein, the Pills, Cyanide Valentine, We’re All Gonna Die, the Hidden, Ho-Ag, the Figgs, the Rudds, Beefy/DC, Sugabomb, the Other Girls, December Sound, Dear Old Stockholm Syndrome, the Collisions, Rick Berlin, Lyres, Classic Ruins, Bleu (who got a song in one of the Spider-Man movies)—correction—he got a song on the Spider-Man soundtrack—it was never in the movie!
Gossip & Stuff: Cool photos here: Thermos X. Pimpington (Voodoo Screw Machine) slides into second base—later he is hospitalized for his goose poop-infected leg scrapes (VSM was banned from Harper’s after a performer’s breasts were bared onstage, with just some strategic black tape on them, during a cover of Blue Oyster Cult’s “Flaming Telepaths.” It was still on YouTube as of this writing.); Muck & the Mires pose with Pete Best; UV Protection dawns long capes and helmets with eye shields; for the centerfold Robby Roadsteamer parodies Bruce Springsteen’s famous photo, leaning up against sidekick Aaron the King Wizard in place of saxman Clarence Clemons. *** What would you change if you could go back in time? Pokemonojeff (Lyres) would take the “the” off Lyres’ 7-inch 45; John Powhida (the Rudds) would have performed as a living statue at corporate parties; Gene Dante (…& the Future Starlets) would stop John Lennon’s murder; Lenny Lashley (Darkbuster) would play the numbers that won the million dollar jackpot in Lowell; Mark Kates (Fenway Recordings) would go back to October 2003 and take Pedro out in the 8th inning after the first man reached base. Remember this is what Mark said in September 2004. Little did he know what would happen one month later. *** Muck & the Mires win the grand prize in the Little Steven Battle of the Garage Bands. *** Mission of Burma plays a show that includes special guests Bill and Hillary Clinton, Reverend Al Sharpton, and Jerry Springer. No truth to the rumors that Burma dedicated “Weatherbox” to Monica Lewinski, or that the Clintons had a steel cage match on Springer the next day as a result. *** Michael Cudahy (Combustible Edison) is a contestant on Jeopardy and loses to Ken Jennings—the biggest winner ever on the TV show. See what happens when you don’t find a bass player?